Monday Mumblings: Back to School

It truly can't be that time of year! I haven't even seen any back to school commercials yet, you know the ones that either excite you or that send you hiding in the closet with knots in your tummy filled with fear. I am the later. I have never liked going to school. When I went to kindergarten I screamed and cried. First grade wasn't much different other than my mom couldn't take me and made my dad drop me off.

Anyway here in the great state of Hawaii, they have what they call year round school. They do get about two months off for summer. They start on Wednesday.

The kids have their backpacks packed and new clothes for school. They are excited. I should be excited, I mean two less kids to worry about during the day. But I am not. I am racked with fear and sadness and a bunch of unexplained feelings.

As much as I enjoy sending my kids off to school, I am really sad to see them go. I feel like we haven't had enough time together. I mean Bee is starting kindergarten and from now on I will no longer have her home with me full time. She is now a part of the great public school system, only to be returned to me at nights and weekends and vacations. Its a joint custody kind of thing and I want full custody.

But I really can't home school, even with my education background. I am just not organized enough. Truly my grandiose plans of summer reading and learning flew out the window and were replaced by swimming and playing. I so thought that every week we would have a fun trip to the Library, well our first was our last.

Anyway, it will be okay and hopefully my kids total lack of summer mental stimulation won't put them too far behind. And maybe just maybe I will enjoy the little tiny bit of peace enough that I will feel some peace about this joint custody thing.