October 29, 2009

Not trying to complain!

Ok I am, well maybe not complaining but just UGHHHH expressing what is just going on! Oh maybe just list a few things that have happened that feel huge and overwhelming but after I list them it will seem little right and all silly??

Bee broker her arm, had to call around and beg people to take our medicaid...
T-rex and Two both had major poopy accidents all over the bathroom, at least it was the bathroom..
babysitter quit on me (same day as broken arm) telling me I had rotten kids...
water heater broken for over a month, fixed that, then sink started dripping and leaking all over floor, fixed that today and the main water pipe to water heater is now spewing water all over....
dishwasher went out for two weeks.
t-rex just ripped my scriptures and the Twilight book from my sister in law I need to return..
Bee wet the bed...
I am going to have to take Two out of preschool because I can't afford to send her.
Rent is due Monday and don't have money to pay for it.
I can't take a shower because of all the water problems.
The only phone calls we get are for debt collections...
I lost...or the kids lost two library books...
I need to go and get treats for the preschool trunk or treat and only have two dollars...
T-rex ripped off my keys on the laptop...most of them...

This is just since last week......and most since Friday....

Really it isn't that bad is it??

Oh and Two and G-Man both need glasses...G-man really badly because he isn't doing so well with school and I know that plays a major role...

Positive at least we have a roof over or head for a little while...and some food to eat and friends...it can't be all bad can it??

Happy Thoughts!!!!

October 21, 2009

Some of my recent favorite Photos!

My own sweet little ones!

This is probably my most favorite picture I have ever taken!

October 12, 2009

Three Shiny Coins

Saturday morning started off as almost all our Saturday mornings, me laying in bed telling the kids that they really can sleep a little longer. "No we aren't doing anything fun unless you count laundry and cleaning up a little." "The cereal is in the cupboard, that is whats for breakfast." I tell them as I toss and turn and try to get comfortable and warm. Really there is no use I tell myself.

Surrounded by three kids in my bed, (Gman had a sleep over and helped with his friends paper route and ended up at his house) , I encourage them to put in one of DVDs we checked out at the Library. Gotta love that more than the RedBOX! So they do, and it buys me a few more minutes in my bed. But the jumping and the fighting over spots on the king size bed, bring me to a little boiling point and out of my room they are all banished. And I follow suit.

We shower, clean up and head over to the church for the super Saturday. Yeah I get to make some crafts that I paid for with a check that did bounce and am now paying overdraft fees for, but still now I have some cute crafts and I got some free babysitting and three hours of adult alone fun time. Ok so I guess it wasn't free but it felt free. And I got lunch fixed for me and it was yummy. And I made some friends. So it was fun.

After the Super Saturday we picked up G-Man from his friends and headed home. Looking around my gut told me I should clean up but my body told me I needed a nap. And with listening to my body, I grabbed T-Rex and Two and we cuddled up for a nice fall nap. That was brought to an end by G-Man.

"Mom Aunt Melissa is here. Mom Aunt Melissa is Here. Aunt Melissa from Texas is here. At the front door. She is here."

I guess I should of cleaned up but I needed a nap and I had a wonderful time visiting with her and it was such a wonderful surprise to see her and my little niece all walking and cute.

Anyway after she left, the kids were begging to do something fun. And with our limited, actually to be honest we actually have none, resources there was nothing we could do other than to find some fun at home, reading, playing games. But that wasn't going to do for my kids on Saturday afternoon.

I promised them we could go to the grocery store, they could pick out anything (with parental discretion) for dinner. See one of the biggest blessings in our lives right now is some government assistant. I often am embarrassed that somehow we went from making over 80,000 a year, quite a bit in savings, to no savings, no income and a negative bank account. But I am grateful that our hard earn taxes are helping me out right now and hope soon to be returning the favor. And if you would like a say in where, who and what is recieving your money, I am not too proud to say send a check my way, donate to the Save the Simonsen kid fund... Anyway so often our fun includes buying a lunchable and heading over to a park or like Saturday just picking out something that the kids enjoy.

I went downstairs and with Two emptied the washer into the dryer. And as I pulled out the last straggling socks, the over head light hit three silver coins that shined brighter than the noon day sun. Two got all giddy.."Money, Mom, Money." I too felt like a 49er hitting a spot of major gold. We hit a jack pot, three shiny, clean, silver quarters. Seventy FIVE whole cents. Oh I could scrounge up a few more cents and buy some conditioner.

But Emily spent it in words. "Mom can we ride the horses at Smiths??" before I could think and respond appropriately, the words came flying out of my mouth, "no some kid once was riding one of those at the grocery store and was electricuted." I wasn't sure where that really came from, other than auto parent pilot comments. I think that is what my mom used to tell us when we were little, and why we never got to ride one.

Before I could finish explaining to Two about not being able to ride the horses, she ran up stairs to the older two showing them the found treasure and how they could ride the horses or get a gumball.

We all piled into the car, the kids all excited to get at least a gumball or ride on the horses. We pulled up and the kids were talking about riding the horses. When Two shouts out..."we can't a boy died from electricity."

G-man in a panic...."When? Here? How??? We won't will we???"

"No, not at this store."

"Well which one? when? how long ago? how do you know?" I had to stop to think about this one. Did I really read it in a paper, or hear it on the news? Did my mom just want to hurry and get her shopping done like me??

"You know what guys, that happened a long time ago. Lets go ride the horses."

"Really!!!?? Really we can??"


"Wooo hooo, yay" they all screamed as they ran across the parking lot. Glad at least someone, was paying attention and waited for my little ones to file across the road.

They all picked their pony. I inserted two silver pieces and the music began as well as the motion. Joy filled me, as well as tears welded, as my kids giggled and smiled and mentioned that this was the coolest thing ever. Who would of thought fifty cents would have brought as much joy and excitement as a hundred dollar ticket to Disney Land. You would of thought looking at them for those two minutes that I had flown them to never never land.

They all hopped off in high spirits, though T-Rex did chant "mo mo" and we headed into the store where they picked out corn on the cob and pineapple, grapes and potatoes. And stuff to make hamburgers and a small thing of ice cream.

And then the best was yet to come. They had one more quarter left. So off to the bubble gum machine they went. Out came one piece. G-Man too it and bit it in half and then halves again. They all got a small piece of that hard almost flavorless gum, and they were happy. Really happy.

Who would of though that three little coins could make such a happy fun memory.

The night ended with a walk, a visit with some friends and then the tucking in and curling up to a free library movie. Can't beat that.

October 09, 2009

Life sure Is Humbling isn't it!

I guess life could be worse, so they say. I mean at what point do you reach the bottom of "oh I know someone who has it worse" barrel, there has to be a bottom....think somedays I have hit it.... I know that right now it just feels really rough, and funny thing is I am pretty happy and almost always positive that it will all work out. But then again just because I know that I am being watched out for and blessed doesn't mean it isn't going to be rough and humbling.

I feel like a small rock being pushed down a rapidly flowing stream, no make that a river. Every once in a while the water calms but then it starts to go down the hill hitting bigger rocks, with a faster moving current. I know my edges are getting smoothed, but pretty soon I might turn into sand.

Like that little rock I feel no control of where I am going because something bigger is pushing me along. The only thing I know I have control over is my attitude, and I love to swim!

But reality hits hard sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I am being held under the water a little longer than I can stand, and the calm waters are few and far in between. The rapids are pretty rough right now.

Today I met with a wonderful person about a job that I enjoy doing. All was going well until she mentioned the pay. I just wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed, I know she could tell I was about to burst into tears because she stopped and asked if I was ok.

The thoughts just flooded through my head, and at least the tears didn't start flowing until I got into the car. How the heck am I suppose to help my family out on that amount of money? By the time I'd pay a sitter and the gas just to drive around, I'd be paying to work! And that is not what I need to be doing. I need money to pay rent, electricity, buy shampoo....I could go on, but the reality of it all is just overwhelming.

At this point it would be cheaper if I stayed home. But I can't pay bills with my time and energy. Too bad in all this stimulus planning they didn't take in consideration paying all the moms who stay home raising children.

I don't know how I am going to make it through this rapid. I know I will come out at the bottom all shiny and clean and maybe even refreshed but man hitting all these rocks are sure making me crazy!

October 03, 2009

Moms are like Rock Stars

Moms are like rock stars and famous people. Moms are probably the most famous of them all. Invasion of privacy! No where to hide! Just like a star can't go to the store with out her/his name being called out, cameras flashing, a mom can't leave a room, even use a restroom with out the call of her name, and panic stricken calls until she is found. If only a mom can have a little anonymity sometimes. You know so at least she can go in bathroom in peace. I feel the pain of the rich and famous, I can't get away with out the constant calls, as they can't. I think I am going to get a wig and call myself Sheila...maybe just maybe I can get a little privacy.

Being a mom takes a lot of work! Its hard and unlike the stars the paychecks don't seem to match the fame. Some moments it is wonderful to have the notoriety but other days I'd like to just hide out or spend a day with out being followed. Some days I'd like to be a nobody.

But I am a somebody and that is just the risks involved in this job.

And on a totally unrelated note, and one of probably a little whining...not trying to...but it has to come out. EVERYBODY I know has been or is going to Disneyland this month! Ok not everybody, you probably are saying not me...but seriously ALL my friends are going this week, ok not all but two of my dearest friends just on my street are going...what am I going to do with out them, and my sister is going....and my brother and his family just went!

Did I miss some kind of special?? Are we not in some kind of recession? Am I the only one out there that is seriously hurting for money? I don't even have money to buy a Disney sticker let alone a trip.

I am not jealous. I am happy for them. What a fun and happy time for them. It just hit me odd and funny that everyone around me, ok like I said not everyone but almost everyone is headed to the land of bliss when I am lets just say not totally there.

I know lately I have been thinking we make what we make out of life. I mean really if you think your life stinks you need to start by smelling your own pits, I mean a lot of life is your attitude and how you see it.

And really I am happy and I am blessed. I made a comment recently on Facebook that" just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse it did"...and then as I stewed on it and knew the comments that some have said "oh it could be my friends such and such...blah blah...." Yeah I know some where else someone has it "worse" and as I stewed on that thought I then made the comment "If my life gets any worse it would be yours."

That sentence made me laugh. Because even though things are rough, someone else does have it worse, right? But at what point do we get to the bottom of the worser off totum pole? Or is it a circle? I mean I could be famous, with all the money I need to survive and at a grocery store, with no makeup on and have people putting my picture on the front cover of a magazine calling me a cow or something? Right, that could be worse? I could be sitting in a hospital with a very sick child...that for sure would be worse.....Or I could be waiting in long lines at Disneyland, with all the crowds and EVERYONE and a sweaty smelly man standing too close too me, with kids running around screaming..... What ever it may be I really think though we are only tried and challenged and given the worse that we can get through.

I am happy to be where I am. I am happy to not be able to poop in peace because I know I am loved and I love them too. I am glad I can't afford to buy things, it is causing me to see what I really need....and helping teach my kids creativity, like junk mail makes great TP...It just comes with the job. I am a rock star MOM!

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