But I forgot to make a Christmas card and forgot to mail them out! Well I didn't forgot, but even last year I made a card, and just never mailed it because well I didn't know where we were going to be living and had no idea what address to use. I guess I could of mailed those out this year, but oh well.
So here is what you would have gotten had I written a Christmas note. Well actually,,,have I said that a lot already? We don't usually include a
But since G-Man is
December of 2008 we were in Hawaii and about to head home for Austin. We had planned to take care of my in laws house while they served a mission. Eric was going to be working at his job at Hart and life was going to be just dandy! I guess thats when we should of clued in on the whole life is dandy part. As we were getting on the plane, well actually a day before but close enough, Eric was informed that when we returned to Austin his last day would be that Friday. We were stunned. But we knew we would head to Austin, stay with his folks for awhile and things would work out.
As I sit I wonder if we were suppose to stay in Austin. There are many days recently that I miss Texas, maybe its the snow here, maybe its some old friends there, I don't know, because I really do love where we are living right now, though I'd like to modify our living arrangements AKA move some walls and add some rooms...but anyway....where was I?
Well we had an enjoyable Christmas last year with Eric's parents, and we even left our kids with them while we flew to California to pick up our car that was shipped from Hawaii---still has those plates on it...guess its time to register it here in Utah??? Anyway while we were driving, Eric and I talked a lot. And maybe I talked him into it, or maybe we both felt it was the right thing to do, because before we knew it four days later, I was flying to Utah with T-Rex and Eric was driving to Utah with the rest of the kiddos. It felt right.
We landed in our parents home. They were gracious enough to take our loud, messy, noisy, over active family into their quiet, peaceful, clean home. Not sure if it was the stress of us there or what but shortly after our arrival (well probably not that short in their eyes, six weeks??) my dad ended up in the hospital having open heart surgery.
We found ourselves a few short days later, in a neighbors basement apartment. The Hazards, almost complete strangers to us, opened up their basement apartment for our family, to dwell in for FREE for a few more months. During the whole time, Eric applied for jobs, the kids went to school, made some friends and we were doing ok. I even got out and started teaching again.
Can I tell you it actually felt really good for me to get out and have a job, and feel like I was somewhat contributing to society someway, other than raising some kids in a dysfunctional manner...let me just say this last year my nasty side has reared its head, and I feel like I haven't been the best mother, or person. I am trying. But its hard when I have been in such a personal funk, or rather deep depression...but thats a whole other post for another time.
Well, while Eric was job searching, he started talking with his old business partner and lifelong friend, about a restaurant idea and dream. See ever since I have known Eric, and even before I knew him, because my sister told me about him, he has loved to cook BBQ, cater and has talked about having a restaurant. His partner Greg has also dreamed of the same thing, and recently had taken a business class and wrote up the whole restaurant business proposal. He had even been searching for restaurant pads for awhile. Anyway he and Eric started talking, and Eric started going out with Greg in search for restaurants.
Before we knew it, the two signed a lease and things started rolling. We opened Texas Pride Barbecue in June of this year.
In June we as a family moved to Ogden to be closer to the restaurant in Huntsville. I had never heard anything really nice about Ogden or even ever been here. Let me just say I was pleasantly surprised by the beauty and quaintness of the town. I have made some amazing new friends and really love being here.
Summer flew by, with trips to the Lake, visits with cousins, and busy busy times at the restaurant. Things felt ok, though as a start up, only money being made was that going back to the restaurant. Not enough to support one family let alone two. So lets just say things have been tight, if anything at all.
This year sure has humbled me. A LOT! I have spent many days, most days, very few days not, Crying! Its been hard, Eric is gone all the time, my kids as much as I love them just seem to be out of control, and I just most days don't feel like I have the energy to do much about it. I don't know how single moms do it, because I have for the most part been one, and I feel like I am not doing it very well.
Now if this isn't the most depressing Christmas card....see now you know why I never wrote and sent one out.
And despite the downs, that I feel I am drowning in, there have been many ups. We have gotten to know a whole lot more of our cousins and aunts and uncles better. We have so many family members around, though we don't see them near as much as I 'd like, it is fun to have them near. We have had complete strangers, friends and family members, generously reach out to us, especially at this holiday time. I learned that what I thought was no money before was truely wealth. My kids have been pretty healthy, other than a few hospital stays for T-Rex (ok so he had it a little rough), a broken arm for Bee, stitches for me, and a few odds and ends little bugs...we are alive and well. We have made several new and wonderful friends. The restaurant has brought us in contact with several really old and dear friends, so much fun seeing people come up and supporting us. I am not sure I am at the point where I have seen much of my own personal growth or where I can say I am grateful for this year, but know at some point I will get there.
I do know that God lives, and that He loves us. I know that He is ever mindful of us and though I do feel at times like I am unable to keep my head out of water, somehow, somewhere, a hand reaches out to me and pulls me up for a breather, still stuck in the water, but at least I am still able to catch a few breaths, and I know those are given to me by a loving Heavenly Father, He does love me. And some day, I will understand this whole year, and I will look back and say "Oh I see! We suffered through that year to teach everyone else around us how to be more charitable :)"
Here's to 2010!!! May the blessings of Heaven be poured out upon y'all and us too!