You're up and you're down...

You're left than you're right, it's black when it's white....oh I never can remember the lyrics but hopefully you are singing a long with me...speaking of singing along..I am the primary chorister (young kids at church) and it just makes me laugh because I have never been one to be able to remember song lyrics instead I say them wrong, and well anyway its kind of funny trying to teach young kids songs and have them remember them better than I do....oh well that was a tangent...

I just feel like that song, in some sort of way. Not that I am totally moody and argumental...well that could be left up to argue later, but it just seems that one minute things seem to be going OK and then the next, wham boom bam....

Lets just start off with the natural aspect of it all....

A few weeks ago, my son in a fit of lets call it "rage" threw a shoe across the room and it went through the front door window,,, we got it fixed and he still has about 10 hours of community service left...we assigned him that to pay it back. 

Then we had the toilet up stairs, keep backing up and not flushing...after about two weeks of plunging...it just stopped working...so I snaked it, see Eric has been in Hawaii since the first of August, coming back and forth but again leaving me the single mom I have been pretty much all year.  Anyway so to my amazement I fixed the toilet. It appears to be working great. 

Well in the mean time, while showering T-Rex joined me and he slipped on some soap and knocked the shower faucet off, water shot out like a fire hydrant.  Leaving me to rinse my hair in it bending down, and lets just say uncomfortably.   Well for about a week we had a broken shower, til the plumber could finally come and fix it. 

Then last Sunday the wind was so bad, it blew over a tree in our back yard, which by the way is still sitting there.  Waiting for today to be chopped up and moved away. Though we don't have a trailer or a truck to haul it away in.

Then this morning I went down to start a load of laundry.  There was puddling on the floor, which Bee said was because Two peed on it...it was quite a bit and all over the washer and dryer...I look up and there is a leak, a drip, a little waterfall....so I sit here once again waiting for the plumber.  I just have to say there sure our some joys to living in a 1922 bungalow...really there are!

I am sure there has been more, hard to remember but all this has happened in August...and it is still August right??  Anyway  last night the wind was blowing hard again, and it slammed our screen/glass door shut and the glass shattered all over the front room.  So we do have another window to fix.  Though I think we can claim renters insurance on that one right???

Well I better get off and get cleaning and fixing.  At least Eric is home today. 

Oh and don't let me get started on my kids teeth, lets just say we saw three dentists this week, and can't get any work done until October!  oh the joys....got to see if I can find someone else to see the kids before the end of the month when our insurance is gone! I am ready to have "real" insurance and income to pay for some stuff done.  At least we found a decent dentist that takes medicaid but he is so popular and busy we have to wait....

A normal day...in my normal life....

Just a little before five am Bee crawled into my bed, meeting up with T-Rex and Two who joined us sometime between eleven when I fell asleep and five. Bee trying to make room in the overstuffed bed shoved T-Rex's perpendicular feet away, causing him to wake up. For about forty minutes I fought the three of them to fall back to sleep. I finally threw my hands up in the air in defeat and sent them down stairs.

Few moments later they were all back upstairs begging for food. I made them go back and play while I read and well actually played a little cafe world on Facebook...didn't want my pies to rot. Anyway I got off my duff and headed to the kitchen to start up some oatmeal. Things were going ok. Then T-Rex decided he didn't want his oatmeal and dumped it on the floor. Bee needed more milk on hers...ooopsss she poured too much all over the table.

Some what with filled stomachs they ran down stairs and played in our newly reorganized and cleaned basement...because yesterday I saw an awesome solid wood dresser that I had to have. After calling a friend and a neighbor seeing us try to put this too large piece of furniture into my van, it was stuffed in with the door opened and my friend holding on for dear life.

It made it home and into my basement. Anyway I went down stairs to make sure it was staying clean down there, and then realized I had laundry I needed to switch out, oh and I needed to start the dishwasher. So up the stairs I ran to only be called down by the words "Mom come quick the bathroom is flooding!" So the dishwasher half loaded, oh yeah and I started to up load pictures to Heritage Makers and had to check that real quick, then grabbed some old towels and headed to the flooded poopy watered bathroom floor....and all the while thinking where is Eric??

Get the bathroom toweled...still need to clean and throw those in the washer because I didn't want to start that knowing we needed showers and the dishwasher needed to be run....not a lot of hot water around here.....then it was time to get the kids off to school...say family prayer and then out the door....but of course it isn't that easy, G-man wants to wear the same outfit from yesterday "cuz it is n't dirty" and Bee won't let me brush her hair and can't find her shoes. But we make it out the door.

When I returned, the mess yelled at me...still oatmeal...still mess down in the bathroom....and yet I still need to find time to write. All the while Two complaining she doesn't want to go to the doctors again today. I can't blame her she went Monday and will be getting glasses in a few days, went to a well checkup yesterday and now going today for some tests to figure out what is wrong with her overactive infected bladder....And T-rex decided to poop on the bathroom floor, tub walls, bathroom door and floor....so I took a break from posting to clean that...but all the while wondering really is this a normal life??? Is this my normal life?

I found myself this morning just wishing my life would go back to normal...but then I thought what is normal? Do I wish it to be a year ago living in Hawaii, with out furniture of sorts and our personal belongings? Or back even further when Eric had a steady job and came home at "normal" hours, and we got paid every two weeks? Or days when I woke up by an alarm clock and headed off to work? Or to have just "normal" kids that sit and watch tv, eat when given food, keep their diapers on?

I think "normal" doesn't exist....normal is what is now and what just happens daily...so all I ask is can I just have an unusual day?

Relationships

As I was in the bathroom doing my morning business of showering, my kids were off doing who knows what. Rinsing my hair, I startled to a little hand opening up the curtain. Standing behind the beige plastic was T-Rex all covered from head to toe in water colors. It appeared he ate more than he painted.

He held up a paper with small markings and drawings at the very bottom, pointed to his work and said "Temple."

"Did you paint a temple?"

"yeshhh!" Pointing at his picture again he said "Temple."

"It is beautiful T, I love it." I do love it and am amazed that one of his favorite and new words is temple.

For those of you unfamiliar with my faith, we attend church meeting houses on Sunday, for our regular meetings and Sunday School and such. All are welcome to come and participate. Our temples are the more stunning and beautiful buildings you will see around. These buildings are sacred, and many wonderful ordinances are performed one of which is sealings, marriages that are sealed here on earth and extend through the eternities. Our marriage doesn't end at death. I am grateful for my eternal family and they truly are a blessing in my life.

I truly have been blessed not only with great parents and siblings but wonderful children. They make me laugh.

I normally don't use my children's names but my youngest daughter gets called all the time by her big sisters name. Always. I know this because when I call her by the wrong name she quickly looks at me and says "you mean Emily?"

"Yes I mean Emily" At least she knows her name.

Today at church I sat and pondered my life. And how lately I have been under a great deal of stress and depression. I get sad. I am happy. I laugh. I cry. I laugh some more. Those who know me in person, you could probably say my laugh is like a period at the end of all my statements. I'd like to consider myself a happy person.

I don't know why I am going through this depression, it has been hard. I truly know that all that is going on is for a reason, and sometime, hopefully soon, it will end like all life's trials, that are replaced by another one, hopefully one that I can handle better, and soon.

I use the word hope because I do have hope and Faith in my Heavenly Father, that this time in my life will be one I will look back on, and know I learned and grew a lot.

Days may be long but years are short. Life goes to0 fast. And I don't want to look back on this stage in my life as one where I spent too much time worrying. Kind of like how I spent my teen and young adult years worrying to0 much that I was fat, when in all reality I was not! What wasted years, because now its just killing me to get back to my "fat" days of youth. But I don't focus on it anymore, (well not as much) because it is a waste of time and energy.

Looking back on that, it sure has taught me to be happy with the moment. Enjoy life. It really is short. We are here to experience and learn and grow and to have joy.

I take the bitter to enjoy the sweet. I will take the tears to really enjoy the laughter.

My oldest daughter and I recently were sitting on the kitchen floor, I think it was ten o'clock at night, and we took out a gallon of Blue Bell Ice Cream and two spoons and sat and talked. We laughed. We ate. She looked up at me and said "Mom, when I am a mom like you, I am going to tell my daughter, how we sat on the floor at night and just talked and ate ice cream. She will think that is really great." I do hope she remembers that...and I think I need to do that more often.

And it is moments like that, that we live for. The quiet moments when we can sit with our loved ones, and not really worry about anything else and just enjoy life. Because what it all boils down to, is our relationships and those around us. I don't think they will remember how clean the house was growing up, though they remember more me yelling and getting frustrated when it wasn't clean. They aren't going to remember the outfits they wore (well other than looking in pictures) but will remember the trips to the lake, the zoo, or visiting family.

In the end, its people that matter the most. It is the relationships that we develop that help us become better people.

So in the mist of my struggles, who am I going to help? Because it boils down to that, who around us can we help?

Holy August???

Eric and I celebrated our Tenth anniversary on the 30th! Hard to believe we have been married for ten years, sounds like a long time, but doesn't feel like it. He gave me these flowers. I set them in our window sill in the kitchen, and realized it was right next to our photo that we took on our honeymoon. Seems just like yesterday we were sailing around the San Juan Islands enjoying the peace and beauty....and now....ten years later...

We got T-Rex! He is such a sweetie and keeps us on our toes that's for sure. And apparently he has a hard time keeping up with his own toes because...boom crash....at least his forehead caught his fall....

Speaking of Fall, its hard not to fall in love with this little sweetheart. Her smile warms you up and just makes you feel good. However she has become our little liar...yes she can lie, and unlike her dad and older brother who I can tell is lying just by their smile, this one she doesn't crack a smile. Oh boy not sure what we are going to do with her. Then there is.....

G-Man who is so tender and sweet, and so active and loving. Though hard to find him to take pictures, been looking all over this morning.

Bee who is just too sweet. She is always concerned about the others and quite my little helper. Always, well not always, willing to help....but she sure can throw some fits. She is so excited to be starting school in 21 DAYS she can't wait....

I also am trying to get my portfolio up and going to start making some money with one of my hobbies/talents....I took pictures of my little sister and her family. For more pictures from that check out www.corrinescapturings.blogspot.com

When it Rains It Pours!

Things are a little to say the least crazy around here. I could use some prayers, as well as if y'all could send prayers my dad's way.

I got this email from my brother, of course after I had already received the call from my mom, but I was surprised at the different response of my brother and I.

Here's his email:

As you are aware, Dad is going in for a quadruple bypass in the morning. He is at the hospital now and will not be coming home for a week.

I am going to start a fast for him. I think it would be nice if we could keep him in our prayers. The Dr. said that someone in his condition is never as mobile as he has been.

I was with him last week when he passed with flying colors an EKG. Then yesterday he did well on a stress test but the Dr. to make sure did another test which showed blockage in four (maybe 5) arteries. The heart is in good shape, but the arteries supplying blood are nearly all blocked.

As my brother was thinking of fasting and praying for my dad, which I have said several prayers, I had a totally different response which my response was:

First really uncontrollable tears....I mean my dad is having open heart surgery! That is serious stuff....

then second...I made chocolate chip cookies...(my emotional bandaid) ....

then third I thought about the fact that I have a pretty darn not so good heart....and I really have to do something to take care of it.

When I went to visit my dad in the hospital today, he was just going in for a possible stint, artery check, and now won't be out for at least a week, but the doctor said their appears to be congenital damage as well. Which has me with the not so great heart even more concerned....anyway this is not about me.

Then fourth, I felt guilty for writing about my wonderings about heart failure, its like I opened up the ironic skies!

I just pray that the doctors hands are steady tomorrow morning and that all goes well. I am praying for you Dad! Love you so much!!!And I can't get this picture in the right orientation!!!

I need a HUGE toothpick

Imagine if you will eating a nice big juicy saucy rib, meat falls off the bone, fingers covered in sauce, best rib you have ever eaten ribs. They taste so good, you even have sauce on your nose and cheeks and then you smile. Meat stuck in your teeth. You know how annoying that is? Ok maybe you are a vegetarian, you know when you bite into a really hard juicy apple and that skin gets stuck in your teeth? Well I think nothing sticks worse than meat, so bare with me. Little pieces of meat in between each crack of your teeth. You have no toothpicks to get rid of them. That just stinks.

That's the way I feel about life right now. I have been enjoying my life. I feel submerged in life, sauces on fingers, nose and cheeks. But there is so much meat in my teeth, right now I can't stand it.

In my top front teeth, the elections! And the fact that I am scared about the end results on a personal level and a national level. Personal the fact that husbands work revolves around it. What happens will affect me, my family and people around me. National level....let me just say I hope people are looking further than skin deep (not talking racial) and know more about their candidates than what has come out of their mouths in the last few weeks. (enough said)

Stuck back in my molars, teacher conference comments. Let me just say, if something is "not right" with my child, talking about it in a conference after 3 months of school is ridiculous and should have been brought up before, especially when I brought up the concern the second week of school. Again enough said.

Hanging out down in the bottom front teeth, life choices. Where are we going to live? Why can't I convince myself that waking up at 5 am is just as fun and enjoyable as a really good hamburger and fries?

I have much to say about those things, but suffice it to say I just need a toothpick!

(think my iron is low or something all this talk of red meat.)

Monday Mumblings: Cursed be my thoughts

Cursed Thought Number 1:



--So glad T-rex doesn't open doors...yeah you all heard about that one the other day, the next day he figured that one out....man that little boy is inquisitive! Gotta love him



Cursed Thought Number 2:

--While watching LMN (lifetime movie network--yes it is my little guilty pleasure every once in a while) a lady was calling a friend on a pay phone...A PAY PHONE what the heck?? Yeah they used those back in the late eighties early nineties before cell phones..but anyway she was dialing her sister on the phone...and I thought wow she knows her sister's phone number, I don't I just press: HER NAME and it calls her....sure would hate to lose my cell phone because I'd lose everyone's number.....



Guess what happened..T-rex threw it in the toilet, and now is totally dead. Been dead for three days, don't think it is coming back to life. So if you thought I knew your number cuz I called you "all the time" well I don't and don't have it anymore..so maybe you could send it my way?





Cursed Thought #3

Life is going pretty good.

UGGGHHH we have two months left here in Hawaii and we have no idea what we will be doing, where we will be living and I think it is starting to freak me out!

Monday Mumblings: A little bit of EVERYTHING

T-Rex:

OH MY GOODNESS, this little boy could be the poster child for Energizer batteries, he keeps going and going and going. IN the last 24 hours, he has:

• put almost a whole roll of TP in the toilet
• threw clothes in the toilet
• climbed in the toilet ( you think the door would have been locked by now.)
• climbed into the shower with clothes on and completed soaked himself, with the help of a 3 year old sister who knows how to turn the water on.
• dumped crayons on the floor, not once, nor twice but 5 times...how does he keep getting them?
• climbed on the kitchen table and knocked water on the floor (left water glasses on the table, at least we use plastic.)
• spilt milk on the laptop
• dumped a bottle of water on the carpet
• dug food out of the trash (i promise i feed him)
• pulled a poopy diaper out of the trash can and opened it and spread it all over his feet and hands...probably tried tasting it....
• threw an orange off the balcony
• and he slept in until 8 this morning...i guess the last day pooped him out.

Blogs:
I recently sat down and helped a friend start a blog. She wrote several posts, and then got a little frustrated that she couldn't write every day and felt like no one was reading it and thus deleted it.

It is interesting to me, this whole bloggerhood thing because it truly is its own community. The blog world kind of reminds me of high school. It is filled with all kinds of clicks.

• There are the "cool" kids, who for some reason draw thousands of readers and comments, they aren't necessarily any better at writing than others, but some how their coolness has typed through to the blog world.
• Then there are your geeks, that blog about tech stuff or other non personal information.
• You have your introverts, that write about their deepest darkest secrets, and keep to themselves.
• Then there are the class clowns, you just read and laugh at all the things they are poking fun of in their lives.
• There are those on the yearbook commitee, who like to post pictures and capture their events.
• There are the jocks who post about their running and other exercise regimens.
• You have the cheerleaders, who seem to be able to do it all and keep on smiling. Their posts seem so perfect and happy.
• You got the goth groups, all dark and dreary, and wow is me.
• You have the International group, sharing their learning of different cultures and travels.

Anyway I am sure there are ton more types of bloggers, and some sort of mix. But my point is, what ever reason you write, or when you are able to write, it should be for you. It should not matter what others think, or if they comment (though it does make you feel good to get comments) but for your personal records.

I am just amazed at the world blogging has opened to me. I have been able to meet people I would have never met before. I have been able to learn things about people I don't think I would have ever learned on a personal level.

My words of wisdom here? Blog when you can. Blog what you want. And don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other bloggers. Do what you can, be you.

LIFE:

I think I fell off my life raft and am holding on to my life jacket floating in the ocean riding up and down with the waves, unsure of when my boat is going to come back and pick me up and take me to my destination. Heck I don't even know where that destination is and what my boat looks like.

We are here, for a few more months. And then what? We don't know. It is crazy. We are at a point where we could end up anywhere in the world. I have thought about taking out a world map and just throwing a dart and going there. There are few things keeping us from doing that, like MONEY and well thats about it.

We possibly could end up back in Austin, but Eric feels unsure about what is going to happen with his company and his job there. The kids want to stay here, and I actually wouldn't mind living here, it is so beautiful and well yeah it is just beautiful and everything is so close, but it is SO EXPENSIVE. With the fact that Eric shows up after we are all asleep and leaves usually before we wake up, he hasn't had much time to even look for other work opportunities.

So anyone have any suggestions? Know of any great places to raise a family? Cost of living low? Job market fairly stable?

I am all over the place here.....

Ok off to take care of the kids.....
.

Monday Mumblings: My Morning Walk

This morning as I was walking with my kids I saw :

and

and



and


and



and some more really cool fish. It isn't every day that you can go walking and feel like you are snorkeling. The tide was really low this morning, and almost back up when I returned to show my friend the amazing fish I had seen.

I stopped ever few feet or so and had Two look and be amazed with me, she wasn't, not totally. But down at the bottom of the inlet- we live on a peninsula, and have a walking path around the neighborhood- there were a ton of fish just swimming around, I guess having their breakfast. There were so many. It truly was amazing. I walk this way almost every morning and have never seen so many fish. I didn't realize we had a little reef under us.

As I walked home to grab my camera (too bad the tide was back up and I couldn't find my memory card either to take pictures) I realized how fortunate I am to be able to go walking and enjoy my beautiful surroundings. Sure beats looking at the walls on a treadmill, or watching cars go by--that might be something cool if I was into cars but I am not.


Anyway not that I am trying to make you jealous of my living situation...ok maybe a little :) but I just feel so lucky to be where I am right now.


I am happy and glad to be alive and healthy!

side note: got strep again-was hospitalized for 8 days last year for septic strep-, but saw a doctor fast enough only waited two weeks and not twelve- for it to not totally go septic, still waiting on some blood tests, but am amazed at what a little antibiotics can do to make me feel good again, and some fresh air and fish!

I am a Mess!

You'd think it was my best friend who passed away! One of my sisters dear friend passed away in the night. I am just all tears and could hardly talk to my sister. I feel for her dear husband and her boys.

It makes me realize how very special each day is and more than anything it makes me realize that I should be grateful for having to "have" to make my beds, fix food and take care of my kids. And I am!