Walking down the aisle, reaching for the last few items, I tried to talk my body into "waiting" until we get home. "I can hold it...I live five minutes away. I only have a few more items to get....I can wait" I kept telling myself as I pushed my shopping cart with Two running, rather being dragged by me through the store.
"No I can not wait." I said to no one in particular. "Lets go Two!" I make her run.
I shoved the cart by the door, grabbed T- Rex from the seat and headed for the handicap stall. Holding T-Rex in one hand and trying to unbutton my pants, and getting Two to come in the stall with me was a little challenging.
I sat down still holding T-Rex. I was just glad to have made it to the bathroom. Then Two plops on the floor and peers under the stall.
"Mommy there's a lady in there."
"I know. Get up off the floor. Stop looking under the stall"
I reached over to pull her back, trying to keep my bare bum on the seat and balanced with T-Rex still in hand. She stands up. Then loud and proud said, "Mom why are you pooping.Its stinky. Why does pooh stink so much?"
And before I can answer she pops back down, with T-rex with her.
"Mom she is pulling up her pants."
"Two get up!...T-Rex...stop...get...over here" I ordered as he slipped further under the stall...
"I am sorry."....to which I got no response. I sat and was hoping she was done, considering the update Two gave me.
"Flush" ..... Flush, Flush.... Two found the little black button on the back of the toilet. Now that my back side is sufficiently wet, I hold both of my kids by their waist bands.
Two and T-Rex are under my control for a few seconds...plop! Back on the ground they went.
"She is still sitting!"
"Two!!! I am so sorry!!!!"
I hurriedly finish up thinking "I will beat her out of the stalls to the sink!"
Hoping to not have to face our poor bathroom victim, off we go to wash our hands. We were almost in the clear, drying our hands when out she came. I quickly dry their hands and apologize again, when the bathroom door opens, and in walks a mullet haired, baggy red U of U shirt, over stuffed jeaned woman.
"Mom, Mom....why is there a man in here?"
Oh my goodness can I just ignore that comment??
"No Sweetie that's a woman."
I grabbed my kids and headed out of the bathroom as I left the words..."I am sorry."