October 09, 2009

Life sure Is Humbling isn't it!

I guess life could be worse, so they say. I mean at what point do you reach the bottom of "oh I know someone who has it worse" barrel, there has to be a bottom....think somedays I have hit it.... I know that right now it just feels really rough, and funny thing is I am pretty happy and almost always positive that it will all work out. But then again just because I know that I am being watched out for and blessed doesn't mean it isn't going to be rough and humbling.

I feel like a small rock being pushed down a rapidly flowing stream, no make that a river. Every once in a while the water calms but then it starts to go down the hill hitting bigger rocks, with a faster moving current. I know my edges are getting smoothed, but pretty soon I might turn into sand.

Like that little rock I feel no control of where I am going because something bigger is pushing me along. The only thing I know I have control over is my attitude, and I love to swim!

But reality hits hard sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I am being held under the water a little longer than I can stand, and the calm waters are few and far in between. The rapids are pretty rough right now.

Today I met with a wonderful person about a job that I enjoy doing. All was going well until she mentioned the pay. I just wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed, I know she could tell I was about to burst into tears because she stopped and asked if I was ok.

The thoughts just flooded through my head, and at least the tears didn't start flowing until I got into the car. How the heck am I suppose to help my family out on that amount of money? By the time I'd pay a sitter and the gas just to drive around, I'd be paying to work! And that is not what I need to be doing. I need money to pay rent, electricity, buy shampoo....I could go on, but the reality of it all is just overwhelming.

At this point it would be cheaper if I stayed home. But I can't pay bills with my time and energy. Too bad in all this stimulus planning they didn't take in consideration paying all the moms who stay home raising children.

I don't know how I am going to make it through this rapid. I know I will come out at the bottom all shiny and clean and maybe even refreshed but man hitting all these rocks are sure making me crazy!


He & Me + 3 said...

I hear ya...it is so hard. I totally think they should pay us to stay at home. Our job is never done. 24/7 I will say a prayer that you find a job that will pay you enough.

Sheri said...

so agree....

sarah and jeremy said...

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I'm with ya though, they should totally pay us to stay home. When we got out here we applied for food stamps and WIC and cash aide and we were denied right away because of what Jeremy made this last year and because he had a couple paychecks still coming in the mail. We could've been dishonest and said he wasn't employed at all this year but we decided it wasn't worth it to be dishonest. We needed all the help we could get from the Lord. We will apply again at the end of the month. You guys are good people. You do all the right things. I know it will work out. Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Keep smiling!!

Cheryl Anne said...

You have such a gift for words and imagry. You should start your book to keep your sanity in the mean time. Maybe it can be published and you can passively earn your first million. :)

Yvonne said...

I so agree with cheryl anne--get that book done. You really do have a way with words.

Hang in there--it will get better. IT JUST HAS TO ; )

Nancy Face said...

Hang in there! I hope the calm waters are just around the bend.

Your words are so beautifully written...you are very talented.

Nancy Face said...

I didn't paint the stool my parents gave me. I refreshed the finish 20 years ago, and I just keep it that way because it's so old and sentimental!

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