How Many Times Do You Have to Hit Your Shin Until You Remember to Watch Out For That Thingy?

I came to a scientific conclusion that it takes the brain 4 times to register that you have moved the bed and the bed frame is sticking out where it used to not be.

We had a staging lady come to tell us things to do to get the house ready for the market, and besides getting new furniture and ripping out the carpets everything is fairly do able. Although Eric has left town and there is way too much heavy furniture for me to move, I figured I should start somewhere. I decided after she left to try the room arrangement she suggested. Then I realized I do need to paint my room. So last night as the kids were so eager to help I decided to paint my room. The bed when I pulled it out, came off its cheap frame it came on, well just a little. Needless to say while painting behind the bed, I hit that metal corner every time I walked by. Well not every time I think the last time I walked behind the bed I missed it! For some reason I didn't notice that it cut my leg open three times, I must have been really into the painting. So this morning I get to wash my bloody sheets! No I am not cursing or from England.

On another note...IT'S FREEZING!! I decided I should open my windows to allow fresh air in, so as not to die during the night from inhaling toxic fumes. Well it dropped to 30 something degrees and I woke up to freezing children. You know lips blue, and teeth chattering, hands clenched and the words "itssss freeezzzzzzzzzinnggg" coming out of there mouth with a puff of steam like a little teapot. I went down stairs, and the heat was turned off as well, so the house was a whole whopping 59 degrees this morning. So now the heater is working hard to warm up our house, like a bowling ball skimming along the top of a pond. :)

These analogies bring tears to my eyes as only a raw onion can do...

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Now here is your chance, write your own analogy! Be creative and you will be rewarded :)