Life sure Is Humbling isn't it!

I guess life could be worse, so they say. I mean at what point do you reach the bottom of "oh I know someone who has it worse" barrel, there has to be a bottom....think somedays I have hit it.... I know that right now it just feels really rough, and funny thing is I am pretty happy and almost always positive that it will all work out. But then again just because I know that I am being watched out for and blessed doesn't mean it isn't going to be rough and humbling.

I feel like a small rock being pushed down a rapidly flowing stream, no make that a river. Every once in a while the water calms but then it starts to go down the hill hitting bigger rocks, with a faster moving current. I know my edges are getting smoothed, but pretty soon I might turn into sand.

Like that little rock I feel no control of where I am going because something bigger is pushing me along. The only thing I know I have control over is my attitude, and I love to swim!

But reality hits hard sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I am being held under the water a little longer than I can stand, and the calm waters are few and far in between. The rapids are pretty rough right now.

Today I met with a wonderful person about a job that I enjoy doing. All was going well until she mentioned the pay. I just wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed, I know she could tell I was about to burst into tears because she stopped and asked if I was ok.

The thoughts just flooded through my head, and at least the tears didn't start flowing until I got into the car. How the heck am I suppose to help my family out on that amount of money? By the time I'd pay a sitter and the gas just to drive around, I'd be paying to work! And that is not what I need to be doing. I need money to pay rent, electricity, buy shampoo....I could go on, but the reality of it all is just overwhelming.

At this point it would be cheaper if I stayed home. But I can't pay bills with my time and energy. Too bad in all this stimulus planning they didn't take in consideration paying all the moms who stay home raising children.

I don't know how I am going to make it through this rapid. I know I will come out at the bottom all shiny and clean and maybe even refreshed but man hitting all these rocks are sure making me crazy!

Moms are like Rock Stars

Moms are like rock stars and famous people. Moms are probably the most famous of them all. Invasion of privacy! No where to hide! Just like a star can't go to the store with out her/his name being called out, cameras flashing, a mom can't leave a room, even use a restroom with out the call of her name, and panic stricken calls until she is found. If only a mom can have a little anonymity sometimes. You know so at least she can go in bathroom in peace. I feel the pain of the rich and famous, I can't get away with out the constant calls, as they can't. I think I am going to get a wig and call myself Sheila...maybe just maybe I can get a little privacy.


Being a mom takes a lot of work! Its hard and unlike the stars the paychecks don't seem to match the fame. Some moments it is wonderful to have the notoriety but other days I'd like to just hide out or spend a day with out being followed. Some days I'd like to be a nobody.

But I am a somebody and that is just the risks involved in this job.


And on a totally unrelated note, and one of probably a little whining...not trying to...but it has to come out. EVERYBODY I know has been or is going to Disneyland this month! Ok not everybody, you probably are saying not me...but seriously ALL my friends are going this week, ok not all but two of my dearest friends just on my street are going...what am I going to do with out them, and my sister is going....and my brother and his family just went!

Did I miss some kind of special?? Are we not in some kind of recession? Am I the only one out there that is seriously hurting for money? I don't even have money to buy a Disney sticker let alone a trip.

I am not jealous. I am happy for them. What a fun and happy time for them. It just hit me odd and funny that everyone around me, ok like I said not everyone but almost everyone is headed to the land of bliss when I am lets just say not totally there.

I know lately I have been thinking we make what we make out of life. I mean really if you think your life stinks you need to start by smelling your own pits, I mean a lot of life is your attitude and how you see it.

And really I am happy and I am blessed. I made a comment recently on Facebook that" just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse it did"...and then as I stewed on it and knew the comments that some have said "oh it could be my friends such and such...blah blah...." Yeah I know some where else someone has it "worse" and as I stewed on that thought I then made the comment "If my life gets any worse it would be yours."

That sentence made me laugh. Because even though things are rough, someone else does have it worse, right? But at what point do we get to the bottom of the worser off totum pole? Or is it a circle? I mean I could be famous, with all the money I need to survive and at a grocery store, with no makeup on and have people putting my picture on the front cover of a magazine calling me a cow or something? Right, that could be worse? I could be sitting in a hospital with a very sick child...that for sure would be worse.....Or I could be waiting in long lines at Disneyland, with all the crowds and EVERYONE and a sweaty smelly man standing too close too me, with kids running around screaming..... What ever it may be I really think though we are only tried and challenged and given the worse that we can get through.

I am happy to be where I am. I am happy to not be able to poop in peace because I know I am loved and I love them too. I am glad I can't afford to buy things, it is causing me to see what I really need....and helping teach my kids creativity, like junk mail makes great TP...It just comes with the job. I am a rock star MOM!

Wants to be on TV or something....

This week after posting the Facebook status update "Corrine having an allergic reaction to stress." I was promted by others to write in to Dr. Oz, if Dr. House was real, he'd probably have me in his office by now.

But I didn't stop by writing in to Dr. Oz, I also hit up his buddy Oprah...though she only allows 2000 characters and I can't sum up my life problems in just 2000 characters, so I hit Dr. Phil. I think between the three of them maybe they can solve my life problems, most likely my email will get lost in the mist of the thousands of emails they get daily but who knows maybe my wit and charm and over all NEEDiness will shine through.

Now wouldn't that be odds, be contacted by all three?? Yeah right....anyway, so if I am lucky I will be soon high blood pressure free, breast reduced and a stress freed mother of four!

Wish me luck :)

Missing socks

My kids and I are searching though a laundry basket to find all the missing socks..how do we have a basket full of socks and no matches? Where do they all go?

Missing socks such a quandary, kind of like time, where does it go? How does it move so fast?

I lay in bed this morning thinking about how if this past family trial were a pregnancy I'd be holding a brand new baby, having sleepless nights taking care of a beautiful infant, instead I am having sleepless nights wondering how I am going to take care of the ones I have.

A cloud of overwhelmingness hung/hangs over my head this morning. Not sure how we are going to make it and yet wondering how we made it this far. But some how time has gone on and we are here today.

Am I better for the time that passed? Or am I missing some matches to life lessons?

Why am I going through this? Is it my fault? Do I need to learn something? Do people around me need to learn something from me? I think its a lot of everything, just a lot of single socks around me, waiting to find their match, each question searching for its answer.

I know we will get through this struggle, we always do. Though it is hard when you are in the mist of it all, just like staring at this pile of hundreds of miss matched socks. You start with one and go from there, and life you start with one thing and go from there.

My starting sock is going to be my blessings. I have had friend email me recently that is going through a similar circumstance, and she suggested I write down the blessings and lessons I am learning through this all...

• it is ok to ask other for help and it is ok to get help!
• I know what it is really what I need to live on and what I can live with out, you know knowing the difference between true needs and wants.
• simple things bring simple pleasures
• sitting up at night talking and reading stories is the best type of entertainment
• family can not be replaced with money or things
• friends are wonderful, and you know who are your true friends in rough times.
• there are assistance programs out there to help you get on your feet and its ok to call on them.
• life isn't fair and that is ok.
• I feel better prepared to be there for others.
• I have realized how little we can live on.
• I have some cool talents and need to share them more with others.
• I have a wonderful husband and if we can get through this we can get through anything.
• I love Ogden!
• someone else always has it worse and there is always an opportunity to serve
• you don't have to have money to serve
• when you serve others you do forget about yourself and your problems and Heavenly Father looks out for you.
• you are never alone.

Well I have to get these socks folded and Two off to preschool!

Just one of those days...

Tossing and turning in bed this morning, my mind fluttered to the strange dreams I had in the night of people from my past, some who have played a major role and others who just stepped into my life and left as fast as they came...and some how that trickle of thoughts led to more random thoughts of names.

Like how is it ok that some letters, initials if you will, make a great name and others just don't work? We have a friend K.C. that works but take Eric you got E.D. and that just doesn't work so well. I have known some J.Rs, J.T, J.D....but how often do you hear of someone going by S.D. or B.S. or C.F...L.M.....S.N...or H.E? Anyway really random thoughts I know, but really have you ever wondered how some letters work better together than others?

And all this was going on in my mind as I should of been out of bed getting ready for church. But no my mind was wandering around wondering where on earth that one kid who sat next to me in chemistry, who pierced his nipples....went? And why some letters make better names?

As I was about to get out of bed, I noticed the blinds, that were ripped apart by my two year old last night. How on earth did he do that? I mean I have had blinds for eight plus years with children and then my last goes and does this?? How does that happen?

Then Bee mentions that we should have another baby....no make that four more...yeah diverted that conversation to time to take showers and get ready. I mean there are only twenty five more minutes til church starts, and yeah Eric and I teach the nursery age kids...so we kind of have to be on time.

Rushing around the house we all get ready. When I notice I need to put the dishes in the dish washer, all the while screaming to my children to find their shoes....Shoes, "where are my shoes?" as shoes go flying from the cabinet all over the floor, a left, a right, a sandal, a tennis shoe...."Where are all the matches?" The thought quickly comes to mind to organize them...oh wait just five minutes til church starts...."Everyone just find a stinking pair! We are late!"

Out the door we run. We did, we ran up the stairs...why did I say stairs, the street and make it just in time..barely. Nursery was fine. kids were mostly glad to be there. Stories, singing, lessons and snacks....then off to Sacrament Meeting....Oh boy..T-Rex...was not happy to be there at all, kicking and screaming I took him out to the foyer...where he kicked and screamed some more.

And while trying to hold him and keep him quiet my skirt kept slipping down. I tugged at it, I tried to get it to stop slipping down. Something just wasn't right. And T-Rex was just being a toot, so I took him home.

After I got him down, I went to the restroom, and noticed again something wasn't quite right with my skirt....I didn't remember the seam on the outside....DUH! Its inside out! Sweet! I went almost three hours with it inside out...no wonder it was fitting funny!

But what can you expect when your mind is wondering about peoples' names , and how to organize the shoe mess, it just doesn't have time to process the correct way of putting on a skirt.


Side Note: after church we went to celebrate my niece and nephews birthday in Lehi. We had a great time. Fun to get together with the whole family!

And my mom helped me take out my stitches..I tried earlier and got one out..mostly left part of it so figured someone needed to help me. Thanks Mom!

Flash back Friday: Laughter

Today I decided I needed some laughter, some things to bring a smile to my face and yours...so here are some past post, of days when I wrote funny stuff :)


FEEL the BURN Bee!

Nose REPLACES a BINKI

ONLY BEE would ASK ME THAT!

Little TRIUMPHS

Fun SCHOOL PICTURES

CInderella IN crack

The kids luckily as much as they drive me crazy make me laugh.

They were in the shower the other day and I heard G-Man ask someone to pass him the Air Conditioning.....um you mean the Hair conditioner?? :)

While sitting at the table, me laying in bed, dying this week, the kids told my friend that:

Bee "When I am a mom I am just going to stand there and yell at my kids 'clean up that mess NOW!' thats what my mom does.

G-Man "I am just going to let my kids make all the messes they want and not even care."

friend "G I think you might change your mind when you are older."

"Oh no I won't. I will just let them make whatever messes they want, and I won't ever yell at them to make them clean it up."

Two: "When I a mom, I am gonna be mean like mine. You are a nice mom."

and lately T-Rex's most clear statement is "Stop it Mommy" nice huh! Though I am not the only one that gets "stop it" from him.

They are cute. And I know they love me and surely do keep me HUMBLE!

I'm a loser

OK maybe I am not a total loser, but have you ever had those moments, where someone asks you a question, you answer and all of a sudden in your mind you see the thumb and the pointer finger shaped like an L and placed on their forehead? And in that very moment you know you are a loser.

I feel like a LOSER!

Today I took the kids in to the doctor, and yes I admit we are on medicaid. And recently I was reading a posting, reading threw a thread where someone mentioned how they aren't a loser they are raising their kids on their own and not needing government assistance and on and on. For some reason it hit me hard. "Am I a total loser, for having my children and now being in a situation where we need assistance to raise them?" Then at the office the receptionist was asking me questions about employer...um yeah have none....and such questions and I just could feel the L on my forehead getting bigger.

Yes I have four kids, no I don't have a job.
I have been looking.
I didn't get one I interviewed for this week.
No I don't have any income.
Yes I will be responsible if insurance doesn't pay.
Yes I feel stupid right now.

Then this week, with my foot accident and coming down with the worst of my stomach pain and ills, my friends stood up to the plate and totally took care of me. To be honest, it was such a blessing and so needed. I was literally knee deep in poop! And was feeling so bad, I was at my last wit ends. And then my friends came to rescue me, cleaning up the messes, helping get kids to bed, bringing me some meals, folding laundry, fixing my water heater, and just taking care of me!

But I felt, feel like a loser for needing help. But I so appreciate it!!! I guess we all need help at some time. IT at some times we all need to help others. That's what makes the world go around right? Thanks again friends for truly being a blessing in my life.

I thrive on Change

or something like that. I guess more than anything some days I just want to be a bum, and don't want to do the same things over and over again. Some days I just don't want to do anything.

For example Saturday morning I just woke up and felt like "really do I have to do this all over again?" You know, laundry, dishes, wipe noses, feed little people, sweep, make beds, change diapers, fold, you get the point. I wanted to do something different yet at the same time just didn't want to do ANYTHING at all. And I was attempting to do nothing, well besides take the kids to dinosaur park. Which I might add was a big adventure, I didn't know that the boys and girls clubs got to get in free this weekend with their t-shirts on...so it was rather busy. But again that is beside the point.

The kids and I decided to get some junk food, cuz I was kind of in that mood, ice cream and chips and cheese,...ohhhh that sounds good right now....but my foot is elevated and I am not starving probably just bored. So we got the snacks and hit red box and came home to have a lazy evening in bed, with movies and treats.

For some reason Bee decided to sweep. To make a long story even longer, the broom handle hit a large 14x16 picture frame on the wall. I saw it teeter and totter, and told her to put the broom down, all the while I swept my body across the bed, to get the broom down, she turned and whacked the picture, sent it flying, frame fell off, the glass fell out and landed in my foot. Pain shot instantly through it. I just hoped it wasn't cut, but landing in it pretty much cut it open. I walked to the linen closet grabbed some band aids and baby wipes and sat back down on my bed.

After controlling the bleeding, I looked at the gaping would, could see some bony matter, and realized my toes were numb and most likely it needed to be seen by a doctor. I reached for my phone.....where the heck is it??? I had set it down on the bed not too long ago. And crap the home phone doesn't work, both next door neighbors are gone.....Oh yeah my neighbor friend across the street is around because her son is sick. So I send G-Man over there and get on what else, FACEBOOK in hopes someone is on. Though I didn't think to put my cell number or Eric's to have them call him. But by the time I post my status, Christy is over, and she confirms my need for medical attention. And gives my cell a buzz. When my butt started to vibrate I knew right where I left it. I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached, actually I lose my mind all the time....

Anyway so I get a hold of my friend Gina, which I am surprised I was able too since the second her husband answered the phone I lost it and started crying, not because I was in pain, just because I am a goober like that. She came and got me and we took the kids to her house, thanks Chad! Sorry Two pooped her pants!

So off to the urgent care center! The nurse took one look and said "Go to the ER." Ok off to the ER....By this time my shock turned to slap stick humor....I kind of get that way, can't stop talking and laughing. And fortunately Gina could laugh at my holy grail humor "its only a flesh wound I've had worse." "I think I will go for a walk now!" And she wasn't grossed out watching me make my laceration talk. Thanks Gina....and after what seemed like forever...only what four hours?? I was all stitched up and sent home to stay off my foot for 24 hours and keep it elevated for 3 days.....

Why is it when I am told to stay down I just have a really hard time doing so??? I mean Saturday that is all I wanted to do....and today, the crumbs on the kitchen floor are yelling at me to clean them up...I am ignoring them though.

My wonderful parents came yesterday to help out! Thanks and then today some wonderful friends Gina (thanks again) and Lynette are helping out with the little kiddos....and yet I lay here dying to clean up....really whats up with that?

Eric made the comment, after he lay down next to me and I asked him to sweep and change my sheets while I shower (I hadn't showered since last Wednesday, gross I know but no hot water! and I showered in cold water for a year and a half in Brazil and have no desire to do that again) so anyway he said "you know when I am sick I just lay in bed (like he needed to tell me that one) and just get better, and you..." I interrupted "Lay in bed and bark orders of things that need to get done, or get up and start doing them and not rest.?"

"Yeah."

"that is why I never get better or take a lot longer. Because I don't know how to rest. "

"Well you should."

"I know but you should do the things I see that need to be done."

Too bad the phone rang and ended that conversation, because see the floor still needs to be swept...and my sheets are still dirty. Probably has something to do with eating yummy chocolate chip cookies in bed yesterday, thanks Christy, and those chips and cheese on Saturday.

But I will relax. I wanted change, I wanted to do nothing and be a bum! I got my wish right? Ok off to be a bum!

Our Lives

Eight years ago today, I sat on the living room floor of my in-laws playing with my son G-Man. Watching him sit up all by himself, for several minutes at a time, thrilled me. A young mother couldn't have been happier. Such a huge mile stone. Sitting up allows them to play with some toys and be happy independently for brief moments.

And as quickly as my excitement hit, it turned to sadness and grief.

"Corrine, the phone's for you."

"Hey Mom how are you? Guess what G-Man is sitting up all on his own. "

"That's great." I could tell by the tone of her voice that something was not good. I quickly thought of my grandmother that was flying out that day.

"What's wrong????" I fearfully asked.

"Turn on the news. Someone crashed into one of the Twin Towers in New York."

I have to admit for a brief second I was filled with relief. I said good-bye and turned on the news. Tears filled my eyes and a heaviness I had never felt filled my heart as I saw the one building burning. Then moments later, I sat and watched as the second plane hit. Most of us watched the news. I sat and watched numbly for three days, tears streaming down my face.

My heart ached for those involved, for their families and for our country. The feelings were strong, among many. Flags were in the yards and on cars. Such a tragic event seemed to pull us together as a nation closer than we had been for a long while. American pride seemed to beam from sea to shining sea.

But life as it does continues on. Some how the human body allows the grief, the heart ache to not pierce the soul so much. It never goes away, a silent in the back of the room lingering. But we do go on.

Its only been eight years and my kids today, when they saw the American Flag in our front yard, asked me if it was a holiday. I mentioned to them about 9/11 and Patriotic day and told them they would probably talk about it in school today. Maybe not? Hopefully!

And yet, as much as I remember that day, as all who were around that day. But some how we carry on, some days probably most days for most of us, not even thinking about that day.

Kids go off to school.

Kids draw on the walls.

We discover hidden in our weeds growing Tomatillo plants.

Laundry still has to get done.

Life goes on. We live and we remember and we hope to never forget. Life is fragile. Life is sweet. Life is for living. And even when bad happens, life is good.

Dear Mr President

Dear Mr. President,

I am sorry for the grief that many of our nation have given you. I envy not your position, nor anyone ever in that position. Daily I battle with making decisions for just my family of six and can't even imagine making decisions for a whole nation.

I know I am just one, never been big on politics or even paying attention to what is going on. Often I am missing important bits of information on things that are going on, and most often rely on my dad to send me bits of political emails.

But thanks to MSN as my home page, I have been able to read a little here and there about some of the happenings. I must admit my daily thoughts and worries tend to not go past my front door, because there are plenty of things to worry about here. But I have had a head turning moment about this whole health care thing.

I have no idea how one can go and fix something as big as our health care system, one that has dug deep into the publics pockets and into the hands of a few. And at the same time, has been one that has made leaps and bonds in helping many but at a cost.

I am concerned about government involvement just a bit, maybe more scared of the unknown, yet I do know a little. My husband lost his job in December, and with out significant income and no insurance we have been blessed with medicaid to help us for our medical emergencies. As wonderful as it is to have it, it is a pain in the you know what! No one will take us.

My son who has some breathing problems, was turned away from an urgent care, after hearing we had medicaid. I called several doctors to find someone to see this same son about his skin, no one would take us. This is a problem. What type of benefits would doctors get for seeing medicaid patients? Why is it that they don't want to see medicaid patients? In the new reform how will it change their mentality?

I don't know the answers to these questions, and don't know how you will fix it. Maybe just maybe we could try something like:

• Offer competitive pay backs to doctors accepting government insurance.
• Offer plans for employers to provide benefits TO ALL their employees regardless of how many hours ( I just applied for a job, and they made the hours 27.5 hours so that they would not have to pay benefits....this kind of thing shouldn't happen.)
• Offer tax breaks for insurance companies offering affordable plans to everyone.
• Cash for Healthy Check Ups, get a clean bill of health and a gym membership.
• Require more recesses and PE at schools, provide more money to our schools to do these programs...(had a principal tell me that kids didn't need those, they can go for a walk once they got home from school....please tell me that kids really need to sit more than six hours at school with out breaks and movement.)
• Why can't we have health care like car insurance? Get to pick plans out there, and require limit on the max out of pocket for those, set it up as a flex spending account and get refunded the money not spent on health care for the year....

I just hope and pray that you and everyone involved in coming up with a way to get insurance to everyone can come to a common ground that will benefit all involved and not those not effected.

And on another note, I know all these bailout plans are diggin our nation deeper and deeper into debt, why not forgive ourselves our debt and start over...I won't tell anyone.

Sincerely,

Corrine

Am I a terrible Mom because....

my last post stirred up some comments that made me wonder...at least about my ability to discipline which to be honest is some days in need of Nanny 911. However I think that a lot of my parenting goes to the part of me who doesn't like to be told what to do...and do not like CONTROLLING people (either telling people what to do, or people that feel the need to tell people what to do)...I guess I have the mixed up idea that for some reason people have brains and that they should be able to make good choices...

now don't get me wrong I BELIEVE that children should be guided, nurtured, disciplined and taught right from wrong, and I do Get after my kids...though for some reason they laugh and think I am playing with them....maybe it is because most of the time I am playing with them, and every once in awhile my mean ugly voice comes out and they know I am serious...

It is tough being a parent, and knowing what to do...and yet at the same time, I know how tough it is being an adult and making big decisions and caring for others, that part of me just really wants my kids to enjoy life and not have to worry about it. There will be plenty of time to worry about it later.....

Anyway yesterday I took Two and T-Rex to the church, I am a nursery leader, in charge of the kids under 4...and we cleaned the nursery and organized the toys. T-Rex and Two were so excited to be there and took the cleaning wipes and were cleaning toys and putting things away. Two even helped put out a toy struggle between T-Rex and some little boy.

One of the gals helping out there said "Man I need to take your kids home, they help clean and they help take care of kids..."

And the thought came to me, "she should of seen them YESTERDAY" but then it also occurred to me, that you know I am doing something right sometimes.

So its is wrong of me to:

let my kids eat cupcakes for breakfast?
walk to the store with me and pick out lunchables for lunch and let them eat them before 10 am?
gather up their toys and sell them on the front lawn?
offer to mow a neighbors lawn?
watch a movie before bed instead of reading stories?
nights when they are scared let them crawl into bed with me?
let them eat the popsicles until they are all gone? knowing that they won't have anymore the rest of the week?
curl up with me and read stories instead of taking a nap?
letting them go outside and play instead of helping me clean? (i mean how much easier is it to clean up with out them around helping??"
let them eat in the car?
let them lick the beaters and dip them back in the batter?

I don't think so! They are good kids, they make me laugh most days and CRAZY the other days! And hopefully we will all remember the laughs more than the tears!

And then this happens!

So maybe someone needs to call Nanny 911 on me! I just went to my computer to answer a few emails, and the kids were down stairs playing....then Two came up wanting water, and I told her just a minute, then she comes running back into me, "OH no MOM come quick, you have to see what T-Rex is doing...Its bad, berry berry bad!"

"Just a second I say.""

"Come quick, hurry, you gonna be berry mad!"

I walk in to find the above mess....and T-REX laughing and laughing! Oh the little stinker....the girls have cleaned it all up...now time for me to fix the rest...Oh my goodness!

THough I am laughing have you ever played in five pounds of flour...its so soft!

Why a Mother Can NEVER be SiCK!!

I have not been feeling well the last few days, actually some of the sicker I have felt in a long time. Some moments I think maybe I should head to the doctor but then I realize how the heck will I get there. But then again, I just can't afford to be sick anymore.

However, I have stayed in bed most of the day other than to put out fires, fortunately no real fires but I wouldn't put it past Two and T-Rex to set the house on fire. Those little turkeys!! They are quite the duo.

Yesterday as I lay in bed, but for a brief moment because I was switching out loads of laundry, when I heard a loud noise down stairs. I didn't even dare go look. A few minutes later Two came up with the biggest smile on her face. I am talking BIG!

I asked her "what happened down stairs?"

"Me and T made a big mess. We knocked the books off the shelf, dumped all the toy buckets, empty out G-Man's legos, and tipped over the doll house. Its a big mess. Want to see?" In the proudest of voices she told me this....really should one be proud of this?? I don't think so.

Well I took her invitation and followed her down those stairs as she gave me a tour of her mess. The toys covered the floor like a winter quilt on a bed, you wouldn't know there was carpet down there! Could two small children possibly make such a mess? Are you sure it wasn't a tornado??

After getting after it, I told her she needed to clean up, I know a job insurmountable for a mom let alone a four year old, but I told her. She looked up at me and said "No Greg will do it when he comes home." I was too tired to argue with her, and too tired to help. So yes the basement is flooded in toddler mess.

To add to the mess downstairs G-Man decided to add the wretched smells of puke, of which landed smack on the floor, the only open floor space in his room. Thank you much. T-Rex brought some up with him all over his foot and PJ's this morning. Can I just tell you cleaning up that stuff is hard but even harder when you are already so sick to your stomach.

As G and I laid in bed today watching his shows, Two and T-Rex were left to fend their own. Well lets just say Two sure can keep him busy.

They decided they needed to take a shower. Not a bad thing, but Two ran in and slammed the door shut and locked it. In a modern house this is ok, but in our 1922 house, we have a dead bolt on the inside of the bathroom door with no way to unlock from the outside. After trying to talk her through opening the door, I went and sat on the bed for a minute, yes I posted a facebook status, and thought about going to the outside window. Thoughts of calling 911 entered my mind, as the kids had turned the tub on, and we know how dangerous that can be. So I went outside and put a ladder to the window. Emily stood on the edge of the tub smiling at me, "Hi Mom."

After trying to tell her again how to unlock the door, I had G bring me a screwdriver and plied open the window that had been painted shut. I got it about an inch or two open and just couldn't open it anymore. Just then I hear "Corrine, Corrine, You ok??"

Gina to the rescue. My friend stopped by with some juice, crackers, popsicles and can soup. She climbed the ladder and pried the window open, we shoved G through and he opened the door. Thanks so much Gina!

Oh you think the excitement would end there! How is a sick mother ever to get any rest??

After eating almost a whole box of popsicles, T-Rex went to the kitchen to get another, why has he learned to open the freezer and fridge???...I followed him but was stopped by slipping on the floor on a half eaten, half melted popsicle on the floor. UGHHH!!

Then I decide its time to just lock them all in my room, because T-Rex can't open these doors. So I do, and he brings crackers in with him. And before I can stop him, they become confetti all over my bed!! Thrown up in the air and then jumped on!!

So after cleaning that up we actually all fall asleep and nap. Yeah Rest!

Not for long, G wakes me up to remind me we have to pick up Bee from school. Oh yeah! I had no idea who to call so I pry myself out of bed and go get her.

Once we get home Bee entertains the younger two and I rest a little bit, but the door knocks, not a bad thing, a friend of Bee comes over to have her come play. Mixed emotions because she was entertaining the two while making some more messes but keeping them busy, I could always use her help, but know she needs to get out, especially after she came home and sprayed the whole house down because "it smells like throw up!" Which I am sure it did, does.

She left, and then the monsters hit the bathroom again. They filled the tub, dumped the handsoap in, two towels, a full roll of toilet paper and a roll of paper towels...ARGHHH you have got to be kidding me. So I grab the strainer and sit for about 30 minutes straining the toilet paper out of the tub. All the while I have told her she needs to go to her room.

Dad ends up coming home early to help out. Two walks up to him "I am suppose to be on my bed, but me didn't do anything wrong!" What a stinker. Now her dad is sitting in her room with her and here I type.

Now to get the Dad to help and clean up the mess, you know the dishes in the sink, the crumbs all over the floor, sheets to be folded....oh the messes that happen when mom is out.

Night! I need to rest!

So am I the only mother that can't rest, and if she does all falls apart??? Should I be keeping a better eye on them??? oh my!!

Monday Mumblings: Modern Technology

T-Rex is asleep on the floor, he pulled a pillow off my bed and made himself a little napping spot. I think he is exhausted. And so am I for that matter, but unlike him I can't seem to turn my mind off to the world around me.

Two is curled up next to me watching Dora on tv via our DVD player. I am laying in my bed, not feeling well, haven't felt well for a few days. Who knows sometimes I feel like I haven't felt well FOREVER, but really I didn't or don't remember feeling sick this summer, other than the day after the fourth where I slept all Sunday but that was exhaustion. Anyway Eric so kindly commented that I am a hypocondriact....so nice to have loving and kind support from your spouse. I am not a hypocondriact (so I can't spell that word)....I don't know what is making me sick, could be the tumor on my uterus, could be the ulcer, but my abdomen is not my friend lately.

And you know modern technology should be able to help me figure it out, and yes they located the above mentioned things in my abdomen, but there they sit...and lately it doesn't feel like they are sitting, its more like they are doing somersaults and flips, and its not a cute little baby I will get to hold.

Maybe I should find a doctor around here, but since we have become medicaid patients people are not willing to see us, nor are they taking new patients. And our government wants to take over health care! It scares me. Our wonderful health care will go to pot. However on the other side, being one with out private insurance at the time, I am very appreciative of the program, but now understand why our ERs are full, because no private doctor will see us. Can't they come up with a system of paying small businesses, or employers of hourly employees, money towards private insurance? Giving all employed people access to insurance but not government run?

Anyway so not what I was planning to blog on. But guess its on my mind!

I am just grateful for so many wonderful modern technologies.....

My computer, I love to type and write and with this I can do so with out white out to correct all my miss spellings!

The Internet, allowing me access to the world around me. I mean I recently was able to meet someone from Canada, that with out blogging and Internet I would have never met and gotten to know! It is just amazing, and Facebook?? I love that place, and being able to catch up with people that I haven't even seen since fifth grade, it truly is amazing.

Washing machines....with kids throwing up in the night, wetting their beds and throwing up again, it is so nice to be able to throw those stinky things into the machine and let it do the work. Now to come up with an automatic folding machine and I would be set.

Texting, ok maybe I am grateful for to many things that allow me to be social with out being social. I love to text. So much easier than calling on the phone, I can send a message while using the bathroom, not that I would, or in the middle of screaming kids, and no one knows...well I guess now you do. I can mass invite people to do something with out talking to five different people, saving time for me to um....I don't know fold laundry, or surf facebook and see what y'all are doing.

I love modern technology. I love Dvds so my kids can, when they want and that is not very often as those who watch them know, watch a favorite show.

I love living in the time we live in. Did I mention I love having a car? That is the best, because we can literally go any where we want, well not really with gas prices now, but you can live "far" away and still be close enough to get there shortly. Very cool.

Ok off to nap!

Wow my 445th post! Lots of Randomness

Well when I got ready to post I thought I uploaded the pictures in the order that I wanted them. However, now it appears my whit and ability to tie them all together may be a challenge. And since my computer is being a butt head it is difficult for me to move the pictures around. So without any further delays, my week, my 445th post in 15 pictures of less!

Little T-Rex sums up the last weekend before school! Holy Hannah it was a night mare! Blinds were ripped off the wall, a picture frame took a shattering death, mascara was unevenly applied, sink was over filled, dinner was spilled all over the floor, water was spilled, watermelon splattered, just to name a few things. Here T-rex sits in the sink, caught red handed and naughty! Actually I went to get the camera to record the nightmare of a night and put him back into the sink to get this photo! :) But did not have enough patience to photograph the rest of the mess....to say the least G-Man called Eric in a panic and told him he needed to come home...I guess I was really losing it.

But I gained enough composure Sunday to get the kids all ready for school on Monday Morning....actually Eric had the idea to dress up their dolls and stuffed animals in the outfits for the morning. They thought that was the coolest thing ever.

After blessings from their dad, they headed off to bed with some stories. And bright and early they were up and off to school! They ate breakfast, put on their new clothes and headed out the door with me behind them with my camera around my neck. However, Eric said "No way you aren't going to be one of those mom's are you?" So I decided to take my camera off as soon as I got a picture of them heading down the stairs. However we have a really old cool school and I just might have to be one of those mom's and bring the camera to school the second week. Which I will probably look even weirder than bringing it on the first day. Why do I listen to my husband???
First day of school went off with any hitches. I actually had the opportunity to go to lunch with Eric and make it home to put together a little snack and gifts and cards for the kids. Look at G-Mans face....so filled with joy! He was so thrilled that I thought of them and did something for them. I guess the weekend was really rough and they thought they had lost their mom to a wicked witch :)

While the big kids were at school on Tuesday the little ones and some friends hit the dinosaur park. Such a cool place. So much so that after school on Tuesday I took the kids there! We had a blast!

Two really likes her little friend! She wanted to me to take several pictures of her with him. He is a cutie, I don't blame her. Notice her shoes are on the wrong feet. Gotta love that girl!

This morning while trying to catch up on some blogging and photo uploading, T-Rex came and sat on my bed with me, notice he is wearing a hula skirt, and a Thomas the Train jammie shirt. He loves to dress himself and is so stinking stubborn about what he wears! Oh the blackmail pictures I have!

Speaking of pictures, do you know how hard it is to get some people to take a good picture of you with a friend you meet for the first time?? Yvonne, a wonderful fellow blogger and one of my newest dearest friends, came all the way from Canada for a visit. Well actually she was dropping her son off at BYU but still SHE came all the way up to the restaurant to visit us, dragging her sweet and kind husband with her. And they didn't even eat anything. So we packed her up some food to go. We had such an enjoyable time chatting and catching up just like old friends. If you ever want a chance to read an amazing woman's blog, check her out. I am not the first blogging friend she has met, she has touched many people's lives! Thanks Yvonne!

Check out this amazing sunset!!! I was driving home Tuesday night and had to pull over to get a shot of it. I love all those oranges and yellows and purples! Amazing beauty!

And a Barbecue plug! Tuesday night we did a back to school night at the restaurant with free hot dogs and watermelon for the kids. They had a blast and it was fun to see people coming and eating with us. When you get the chance you really should make a trip up to Texas Pride Barbecue. The scenery is amazing! And the food is awesome! Also we will be having a fall festival, every Saturday of October! Come on out! www.texaspridebarbecue.com

And have a great week....man I am worried about posting this and seeing the mess that I made!

Summer Ends

Tis bitter sweet to mark the end of summer. How is it possible for something to last "so LONG" and yet go so very fast? We have played at the lake many days, sunning our legs and lightening our hair. We avoided sickness...for the most part!! We have spent many days helping out at the restaurant and playing at the park.

Visited the library and lost some books....Gone swimming at the rec center. Caught up with old friends. Journeyed back and forth attempting to visit cousins, and yet we didn't get to play with them as much as I would have liked.

Living in a new neighborhood we have made some new friends, and yet we feel so new and not yet enough time to know them all.

Monday school starts. YIKES! I am so excited and yet so sad. As much as my kids are driving me bonkers today, I am mixed with emotions. Did I do enough fun with them? Did we enjoy our time together?

We did. I had fun. I enjoy just going and doing stuff, yet there are several things more I wish we could do. There are always weekends right??? We have actually slept in this summer, will we be able to wake up?? There will be days where just T-Rex and I will be alone...and as G-Man reminded me, soon there will be days when all will be in school and I will be so lonely....for a split second I thought about having another....and that fleeted as fast as it came.

I am so looking forward to the older kids going off and making new friends and having some structure in their so unstructured life. Actually going to bed and bedtime routines get to get started again!!! Do I have to start making dinners???

Today is the LAST Saturday before school starts!! and so far the kids have built a furniture fort in the front room and have sat on my bed watching Saturday Morning cartoons, well more like infomercials...what happened to Saturday morning cartoons????

Roller Skater

This morning I was talking to my mom on the phone, and she mentioned that my brother was in town again. He came by the restaurant yesterday after going with some clients to get their new contracted house inspected. So I called him, well actually texted him because well I don't really like to talk on the phone much. Anyway, unfortunately he didn't drive his own car, he came up with his clients and was unable to visit us.

However to encourage my kids to clean up their mess I told them Uncle D was coming by this morning. (they did a little cleaning and well my parents ended up showing up...GREAT to see you! feel like we moved back to Texas or something....)

Bee has a tendency to all of a sudden need a nap or a drink when asked to help around. She hopped on my bed, yes I was dicating cleaning orders from under my sheets... looked at me and said "Is Uncle D still a roller skate gent?"

"I am sorry is he a what?"

"A roller skate gent...you know sells houses?"

"Oh yes he is a realtor."

It just made me laugh. Reminds me of my childhood and how I misunderstood sayings or rather said them wrong.

For example:

I always thought (and I am talking just figured it out not too long ago when I read it in a book) that the saying went "better than life spread" did not know it was "better than sliced bread"....I mean really there are a lot of better things than sliced bread like spreading life!? :)

And I'd say For Heaven Bids instead of Heaven Forbids .... I could go on but I might just embarrass myself...but anyway the Roller Skate Gent made me laugh!!

And by the way don't ask me to sing you a song because I mess up the words all the time because I hear something totally different. Or my mind turns the words around and something totally messed up comes out. I will read lyrics and think man how the heck did I miss that....well looks like I passed that great mental twisting on.

Uncle D,,,,keep skating on!

Relationships

As I was in the bathroom doing my morning business of showering, my kids were off doing who knows what. Rinsing my hair, I startled to a little hand opening up the curtain. Standing behind the beige plastic was T-Rex all covered from head to toe in water colors. It appeared he ate more than he painted.

He held up a paper with small markings and drawings at the very bottom, pointed to his work and said "Temple."

"Did you paint a temple?"

"yeshhh!" Pointing at his picture again he said "Temple."

"It is beautiful T, I love it." I do love it and am amazed that one of his favorite and new words is temple.

For those of you unfamiliar with my faith, we attend church meeting houses on Sunday, for our regular meetings and Sunday School and such. All are welcome to come and participate. Our temples are the more stunning and beautiful buildings you will see around. These buildings are sacred, and many wonderful ordinances are performed one of which is sealings, marriages that are sealed here on earth and extend through the eternities. Our marriage doesn't end at death. I am grateful for my eternal family and they truly are a blessing in my life.

I truly have been blessed not only with great parents and siblings but wonderful children. They make me laugh.

I normally don't use my children's names but my youngest daughter gets called all the time by her big sisters name. Always. I know this because when I call her by the wrong name she quickly looks at me and says "you mean Emily?"

"Yes I mean Emily" At least she knows her name.

Today at church I sat and pondered my life. And how lately I have been under a great deal of stress and depression. I get sad. I am happy. I laugh. I cry. I laugh some more. Those who know me in person, you could probably say my laugh is like a period at the end of all my statements. I'd like to consider myself a happy person.

I don't know why I am going through this depression, it has been hard. I truly know that all that is going on is for a reason, and sometime, hopefully soon, it will end like all life's trials, that are replaced by another one, hopefully one that I can handle better, and soon.

I use the word hope because I do have hope and Faith in my Heavenly Father, that this time in my life will be one I will look back on, and know I learned and grew a lot.

Days may be long but years are short. Life goes to0 fast. And I don't want to look back on this stage in my life as one where I spent too much time worrying. Kind of like how I spent my teen and young adult years worrying to0 much that I was fat, when in all reality I was not! What wasted years, because now its just killing me to get back to my "fat" days of youth. But I don't focus on it anymore, (well not as much) because it is a waste of time and energy.

Looking back on that, it sure has taught me to be happy with the moment. Enjoy life. It really is short. We are here to experience and learn and grow and to have joy.

I take the bitter to enjoy the sweet. I will take the tears to really enjoy the laughter.

My oldest daughter and I recently were sitting on the kitchen floor, I think it was ten o'clock at night, and we took out a gallon of Blue Bell Ice Cream and two spoons and sat and talked. We laughed. We ate. She looked up at me and said "Mom, when I am a mom like you, I am going to tell my daughter, how we sat on the floor at night and just talked and ate ice cream. She will think that is really great." I do hope she remembers that...and I think I need to do that more often.

And it is moments like that, that we live for. The quiet moments when we can sit with our loved ones, and not really worry about anything else and just enjoy life. Because what it all boils down to, is our relationships and those around us. I don't think they will remember how clean the house was growing up, though they remember more me yelling and getting frustrated when it wasn't clean. They aren't going to remember the outfits they wore (well other than looking in pictures) but will remember the trips to the lake, the zoo, or visiting family.

In the end, its people that matter the most. It is the relationships that we develop that help us become better people.

So in the mist of my struggles, who am I going to help? Because it boils down to that, who around us can we help?

Shimering light through the Grey Clouds!

I just spent the morning, well not the whole morning, reading the journal of the man that killed those women at the gym. He was alone. Had no family, no friends and just lost all hope in life. I read through his journal feeling pain for him, and in some ways understanding him. Not wanting to go out and kill people, but feeling so alone it hurts. But unlike him, I am surrounded by family and friends, and have felt really alone, I can only imagine his pain.

And still with so many family members around I am surprised I guess at how different it is to be around them. I don't know I guess in my mind I figured we'd do more family dinners together, hang out more. Partly my fault, partly not.

I haven't talked much or posted many blog posts for the last few months, mostly because I couldn't find much to write about that didn't come across depressed or lonely or afraid or bitter or whatever I have been feeling since around Christmas.

I did mention in a post early this year my optimistic depression, I have been depressed. I took some anti depressants, I went to some counseling, I exercised,,,,I tried to eat right....I was at a the bottom of my barrel. In all honesty nothing seemed to alleviate any of my pain, other than the little glimmer of sunshine peaking through the top of my barrel.

I am still hurt over things that I probably should be over, but never came to a resolution over and feel tears weld when I think about things that have happened over the last few months. I am a grown up, and yet feel quite childish about my emotions, yet know they are raw, real and there. No amount of exercise, diet, and other things will get rid of them, other than my personally dealing with them, and just saying it is done, it is over and well go on.

Though I wonder if I let them continue to hurt me because of my emotional state I am in or was in? I am sure none of this make sense to anyone, but I need to write.

But recently, I personally took myself off my meds, one because I didn't refill my prescription and two because I just don't like the numb feeling they bring, I rather feel full emotions. And though right now I cry often and easily, I laugh more and I feel more alive. I see the rainbow on the mountains, surrounded by grey clouds with a little sunlight shimmering through bringing the rainbow more vibrant colors. It is going to be ok. I feel ok.

Daily I am reminded that I am loved and am not alone. I may find quiet moments where I will feel sadness but it is usually interrupted with a child asking for something, hugging me, telling me they love me, or a call, or a message on facebook or an email. Little small blessings reminding me I am not alone.

Yesterday I was having a hard time getting out of bed, even though my kids were like get out of bed...feed me...MOM! I was tired. I'd do some chores and then go lay back down on my bed. I turned the news on and heard about a woman who crashed her car killing herself, her children and her nieces, and then the above man I mentioned. I cried hearing their stories. I felt bad for the families of those involved. I cried because I have my kids and am so blessed to be apart of their lives.

Then back to school commercials came on, and I cried once more because I don't even know how we are going to get their supplies, or new clothes for school or shoes, or anything. The restaurant is going well, but not well enough for income for home. I am grateful for the patrons and the success we have had.

Then my sister in law showed up, with bags and bags of groceries, a microwave (are old one was catching fire and not working right) and school supplies for the kids. Tears welded up as her children brought the bags in to me. THANK YOU!!! I really really appreciate it. She did explain the microwave was our Christmas present, but the timing was perfect. We had such a fun time playing too! But thank you!

And recently, when unsure about how the heck I was even going to keep T-rex in diapers, a friend who offered to watch my kids, so I could help out at the restaurant, handed me some diapers and much needed laundry soap. I don't think she knew I couldn't even go get those things for myself, but she gave them to me.

Also I recently muttered, ok complained about the heat in our house, and a few days later, a window AC unit showed up at our house. It has made a world of difference. Thanks Dad!

Our computer crashed, no no one has given us a new computer, but Eric left his home today so I could write. You know it gets a little hard pressing numbers on my phone to write out messages and stuff. It is hard to express your thoughts and words with little continuous presses on numbers.

Lastly I have a neighbor friend that is suppose to be moving, but things are not working out for them, and I hope things work for them but I really enjoy our nightly chats on the lawn and will miss her when she moves. It has been a blessing having someone to confide in, laugh with and just hang out with.

And if you were truly able to read to the end of this, kuddos to you. Thanks for listening.

Holy August???

Eric and I celebrated our Tenth anniversary on the 30th! Hard to believe we have been married for ten years, sounds like a long time, but doesn't feel like it. He gave me these flowers. I set them in our window sill in the kitchen, and realized it was right next to our photo that we took on our honeymoon. Seems just like yesterday we were sailing around the San Juan Islands enjoying the peace and beauty....and now....ten years later...

We got T-Rex! He is such a sweetie and keeps us on our toes that's for sure. And apparently he has a hard time keeping up with his own toes because...boom crash....at least his forehead caught his fall....

Speaking of Fall, its hard not to fall in love with this little sweetheart. Her smile warms you up and just makes you feel good. However she has become our little liar...yes she can lie, and unlike her dad and older brother who I can tell is lying just by their smile, this one she doesn't crack a smile. Oh boy not sure what we are going to do with her. Then there is.....

G-Man who is so tender and sweet, and so active and loving. Though hard to find him to take pictures, been looking all over this morning.

Bee who is just too sweet. She is always concerned about the others and quite my little helper. Always, well not always, willing to help....but she sure can throw some fits. She is so excited to be starting school in 21 DAYS she can't wait....

I also am trying to get my portfolio up and going to start making some money with one of my hobbies/talents....I took pictures of my little sister and her family. For more pictures from that check out www.corrinescapturings.blogspot.com

Just for fun!

I took some pictures of my kids on Sunday and well they weren't be the most cooperative but they turned out ok.. I blew up a few and put them up on our mantel, with a sign that says "all because we fell in love. Its for Eric for our tenth anniversary! Can't believe we have made it ten years! Time flies, post more later.