Monday Mumblings: Modern Technology

T-Rex is asleep on the floor, he pulled a pillow off my bed and made himself a little napping spot. I think he is exhausted. And so am I for that matter, but unlike him I can't seem to turn my mind off to the world around me.

Two is curled up next to me watching Dora on tv via our DVD player. I am laying in my bed, not feeling well, haven't felt well for a few days. Who knows sometimes I feel like I haven't felt well FOREVER, but really I didn't or don't remember feeling sick this summer, other than the day after the fourth where I slept all Sunday but that was exhaustion. Anyway Eric so kindly commented that I am a hypocondriact....so nice to have loving and kind support from your spouse. I am not a hypocondriact (so I can't spell that word)....I don't know what is making me sick, could be the tumor on my uterus, could be the ulcer, but my abdomen is not my friend lately.

And you know modern technology should be able to help me figure it out, and yes they located the above mentioned things in my abdomen, but there they sit...and lately it doesn't feel like they are sitting, its more like they are doing somersaults and flips, and its not a cute little baby I will get to hold.

Maybe I should find a doctor around here, but since we have become medicaid patients people are not willing to see us, nor are they taking new patients. And our government wants to take over health care! It scares me. Our wonderful health care will go to pot. However on the other side, being one with out private insurance at the time, I am very appreciative of the program, but now understand why our ERs are full, because no private doctor will see us. Can't they come up with a system of paying small businesses, or employers of hourly employees, money towards private insurance? Giving all employed people access to insurance but not government run?

Anyway so not what I was planning to blog on. But guess its on my mind!

I am just grateful for so many wonderful modern technologies.....

My computer, I love to type and write and with this I can do so with out white out to correct all my miss spellings!

The Internet, allowing me access to the world around me. I mean I recently was able to meet someone from Canada, that with out blogging and Internet I would have never met and gotten to know! It is just amazing, and Facebook?? I love that place, and being able to catch up with people that I haven't even seen since fifth grade, it truly is amazing.

Washing machines....with kids throwing up in the night, wetting their beds and throwing up again, it is so nice to be able to throw those stinky things into the machine and let it do the work. Now to come up with an automatic folding machine and I would be set.

Texting, ok maybe I am grateful for to many things that allow me to be social with out being social. I love to text. So much easier than calling on the phone, I can send a message while using the bathroom, not that I would, or in the middle of screaming kids, and no one knows...well I guess now you do. I can mass invite people to do something with out talking to five different people, saving time for me to um....I don't know fold laundry, or surf facebook and see what y'all are doing.

I love modern technology. I love Dvds so my kids can, when they want and that is not very often as those who watch them know, watch a favorite show.

I love living in the time we live in. Did I mention I love having a car? That is the best, because we can literally go any where we want, well not really with gas prices now, but you can live "far" away and still be close enough to get there shortly. Very cool.

Ok off to nap!

Wow my 445th post! Lots of Randomness

Well when I got ready to post I thought I uploaded the pictures in the order that I wanted them. However, now it appears my whit and ability to tie them all together may be a challenge. And since my computer is being a butt head it is difficult for me to move the pictures around. So without any further delays, my week, my 445th post in 15 pictures of less!

Little T-Rex sums up the last weekend before school! Holy Hannah it was a night mare! Blinds were ripped off the wall, a picture frame took a shattering death, mascara was unevenly applied, sink was over filled, dinner was spilled all over the floor, water was spilled, watermelon splattered, just to name a few things. Here T-rex sits in the sink, caught red handed and naughty! Actually I went to get the camera to record the nightmare of a night and put him back into the sink to get this photo! :) But did not have enough patience to photograph the rest of the mess....to say the least G-Man called Eric in a panic and told him he needed to come home...I guess I was really losing it.

But I gained enough composure Sunday to get the kids all ready for school on Monday Morning....actually Eric had the idea to dress up their dolls and stuffed animals in the outfits for the morning. They thought that was the coolest thing ever.

After blessings from their dad, they headed off to bed with some stories. And bright and early they were up and off to school! They ate breakfast, put on their new clothes and headed out the door with me behind them with my camera around my neck. However, Eric said "No way you aren't going to be one of those mom's are you?" So I decided to take my camera off as soon as I got a picture of them heading down the stairs. However we have a really old cool school and I just might have to be one of those mom's and bring the camera to school the second week. Which I will probably look even weirder than bringing it on the first day. Why do I listen to my husband???
First day of school went off with any hitches. I actually had the opportunity to go to lunch with Eric and make it home to put together a little snack and gifts and cards for the kids. Look at G-Mans face....so filled with joy! He was so thrilled that I thought of them and did something for them. I guess the weekend was really rough and they thought they had lost their mom to a wicked witch :)

While the big kids were at school on Tuesday the little ones and some friends hit the dinosaur park. Such a cool place. So much so that after school on Tuesday I took the kids there! We had a blast!

Two really likes her little friend! She wanted to me to take several pictures of her with him. He is a cutie, I don't blame her. Notice her shoes are on the wrong feet. Gotta love that girl!

This morning while trying to catch up on some blogging and photo uploading, T-Rex came and sat on my bed with me, notice he is wearing a hula skirt, and a Thomas the Train jammie shirt. He loves to dress himself and is so stinking stubborn about what he wears! Oh the blackmail pictures I have!

Speaking of pictures, do you know how hard it is to get some people to take a good picture of you with a friend you meet for the first time?? Yvonne, a wonderful fellow blogger and one of my newest dearest friends, came all the way from Canada for a visit. Well actually she was dropping her son off at BYU but still SHE came all the way up to the restaurant to visit us, dragging her sweet and kind husband with her. And they didn't even eat anything. So we packed her up some food to go. We had such an enjoyable time chatting and catching up just like old friends. If you ever want a chance to read an amazing woman's blog, check her out. I am not the first blogging friend she has met, she has touched many people's lives! Thanks Yvonne!

Check out this amazing sunset!!! I was driving home Tuesday night and had to pull over to get a shot of it. I love all those oranges and yellows and purples! Amazing beauty!

And a Barbecue plug! Tuesday night we did a back to school night at the restaurant with free hot dogs and watermelon for the kids. They had a blast and it was fun to see people coming and eating with us. When you get the chance you really should make a trip up to Texas Pride Barbecue. The scenery is amazing! And the food is awesome! Also we will be having a fall festival, every Saturday of October! Come on out! www.texaspridebarbecue.com

And have a great week....man I am worried about posting this and seeing the mess that I made!

Summer Ends

Tis bitter sweet to mark the end of summer. How is it possible for something to last "so LONG" and yet go so very fast? We have played at the lake many days, sunning our legs and lightening our hair. We avoided sickness...for the most part!! We have spent many days helping out at the restaurant and playing at the park.

Visited the library and lost some books....Gone swimming at the rec center. Caught up with old friends. Journeyed back and forth attempting to visit cousins, and yet we didn't get to play with them as much as I would have liked.

Living in a new neighborhood we have made some new friends, and yet we feel so new and not yet enough time to know them all.

Monday school starts. YIKES! I am so excited and yet so sad. As much as my kids are driving me bonkers today, I am mixed with emotions. Did I do enough fun with them? Did we enjoy our time together?

We did. I had fun. I enjoy just going and doing stuff, yet there are several things more I wish we could do. There are always weekends right??? We have actually slept in this summer, will we be able to wake up?? There will be days where just T-Rex and I will be alone...and as G-Man reminded me, soon there will be days when all will be in school and I will be so lonely....for a split second I thought about having another....and that fleeted as fast as it came.

I am so looking forward to the older kids going off and making new friends and having some structure in their so unstructured life. Actually going to bed and bedtime routines get to get started again!!! Do I have to start making dinners???

Today is the LAST Saturday before school starts!! and so far the kids have built a furniture fort in the front room and have sat on my bed watching Saturday Morning cartoons, well more like infomercials...what happened to Saturday morning cartoons????

Roller Skater

This morning I was talking to my mom on the phone, and she mentioned that my brother was in town again. He came by the restaurant yesterday after going with some clients to get their new contracted house inspected. So I called him, well actually texted him because well I don't really like to talk on the phone much. Anyway, unfortunately he didn't drive his own car, he came up with his clients and was unable to visit us.

However to encourage my kids to clean up their mess I told them Uncle D was coming by this morning. (they did a little cleaning and well my parents ended up showing up...GREAT to see you! feel like we moved back to Texas or something....)

Bee has a tendency to all of a sudden need a nap or a drink when asked to help around. She hopped on my bed, yes I was dicating cleaning orders from under my sheets... looked at me and said "Is Uncle D still a roller skate gent?"

"I am sorry is he a what?"

"A roller skate gent...you know sells houses?"

"Oh yes he is a realtor."

It just made me laugh. Reminds me of my childhood and how I misunderstood sayings or rather said them wrong.

For example:

I always thought (and I am talking just figured it out not too long ago when I read it in a book) that the saying went "better than life spread" did not know it was "better than sliced bread"....I mean really there are a lot of better things than sliced bread like spreading life!? :)

And I'd say For Heaven Bids instead of Heaven Forbids .... I could go on but I might just embarrass myself...but anyway the Roller Skate Gent made me laugh!!

And by the way don't ask me to sing you a song because I mess up the words all the time because I hear something totally different. Or my mind turns the words around and something totally messed up comes out. I will read lyrics and think man how the heck did I miss that....well looks like I passed that great mental twisting on.

Uncle D,,,,keep skating on!

Relationships

As I was in the bathroom doing my morning business of showering, my kids were off doing who knows what. Rinsing my hair, I startled to a little hand opening up the curtain. Standing behind the beige plastic was T-Rex all covered from head to toe in water colors. It appeared he ate more than he painted.

He held up a paper with small markings and drawings at the very bottom, pointed to his work and said "Temple."

"Did you paint a temple?"

"yeshhh!" Pointing at his picture again he said "Temple."

"It is beautiful T, I love it." I do love it and am amazed that one of his favorite and new words is temple.

For those of you unfamiliar with my faith, we attend church meeting houses on Sunday, for our regular meetings and Sunday School and such. All are welcome to come and participate. Our temples are the more stunning and beautiful buildings you will see around. These buildings are sacred, and many wonderful ordinances are performed one of which is sealings, marriages that are sealed here on earth and extend through the eternities. Our marriage doesn't end at death. I am grateful for my eternal family and they truly are a blessing in my life.

I truly have been blessed not only with great parents and siblings but wonderful children. They make me laugh.

I normally don't use my children's names but my youngest daughter gets called all the time by her big sisters name. Always. I know this because when I call her by the wrong name she quickly looks at me and says "you mean Emily?"

"Yes I mean Emily" At least she knows her name.

Today at church I sat and pondered my life. And how lately I have been under a great deal of stress and depression. I get sad. I am happy. I laugh. I cry. I laugh some more. Those who know me in person, you could probably say my laugh is like a period at the end of all my statements. I'd like to consider myself a happy person.

I don't know why I am going through this depression, it has been hard. I truly know that all that is going on is for a reason, and sometime, hopefully soon, it will end like all life's trials, that are replaced by another one, hopefully one that I can handle better, and soon.

I use the word hope because I do have hope and Faith in my Heavenly Father, that this time in my life will be one I will look back on, and know I learned and grew a lot.

Days may be long but years are short. Life goes to0 fast. And I don't want to look back on this stage in my life as one where I spent too much time worrying. Kind of like how I spent my teen and young adult years worrying to0 much that I was fat, when in all reality I was not! What wasted years, because now its just killing me to get back to my "fat" days of youth. But I don't focus on it anymore, (well not as much) because it is a waste of time and energy.

Looking back on that, it sure has taught me to be happy with the moment. Enjoy life. It really is short. We are here to experience and learn and grow and to have joy.

I take the bitter to enjoy the sweet. I will take the tears to really enjoy the laughter.

My oldest daughter and I recently were sitting on the kitchen floor, I think it was ten o'clock at night, and we took out a gallon of Blue Bell Ice Cream and two spoons and sat and talked. We laughed. We ate. She looked up at me and said "Mom, when I am a mom like you, I am going to tell my daughter, how we sat on the floor at night and just talked and ate ice cream. She will think that is really great." I do hope she remembers that...and I think I need to do that more often.

And it is moments like that, that we live for. The quiet moments when we can sit with our loved ones, and not really worry about anything else and just enjoy life. Because what it all boils down to, is our relationships and those around us. I don't think they will remember how clean the house was growing up, though they remember more me yelling and getting frustrated when it wasn't clean. They aren't going to remember the outfits they wore (well other than looking in pictures) but will remember the trips to the lake, the zoo, or visiting family.

In the end, its people that matter the most. It is the relationships that we develop that help us become better people.

So in the mist of my struggles, who am I going to help? Because it boils down to that, who around us can we help?

Shimering light through the Grey Clouds!

I just spent the morning, well not the whole morning, reading the journal of the man that killed those women at the gym. He was alone. Had no family, no friends and just lost all hope in life. I read through his journal feeling pain for him, and in some ways understanding him. Not wanting to go out and kill people, but feeling so alone it hurts. But unlike him, I am surrounded by family and friends, and have felt really alone, I can only imagine his pain.

And still with so many family members around I am surprised I guess at how different it is to be around them. I don't know I guess in my mind I figured we'd do more family dinners together, hang out more. Partly my fault, partly not.

I haven't talked much or posted many blog posts for the last few months, mostly because I couldn't find much to write about that didn't come across depressed or lonely or afraid or bitter or whatever I have been feeling since around Christmas.

I did mention in a post early this year my optimistic depression, I have been depressed. I took some anti depressants, I went to some counseling, I exercised,,,,I tried to eat right....I was at a the bottom of my barrel. In all honesty nothing seemed to alleviate any of my pain, other than the little glimmer of sunshine peaking through the top of my barrel.

I am still hurt over things that I probably should be over, but never came to a resolution over and feel tears weld when I think about things that have happened over the last few months. I am a grown up, and yet feel quite childish about my emotions, yet know they are raw, real and there. No amount of exercise, diet, and other things will get rid of them, other than my personally dealing with them, and just saying it is done, it is over and well go on.

Though I wonder if I let them continue to hurt me because of my emotional state I am in or was in? I am sure none of this make sense to anyone, but I need to write.

But recently, I personally took myself off my meds, one because I didn't refill my prescription and two because I just don't like the numb feeling they bring, I rather feel full emotions. And though right now I cry often and easily, I laugh more and I feel more alive. I see the rainbow on the mountains, surrounded by grey clouds with a little sunlight shimmering through bringing the rainbow more vibrant colors. It is going to be ok. I feel ok.

Daily I am reminded that I am loved and am not alone. I may find quiet moments where I will feel sadness but it is usually interrupted with a child asking for something, hugging me, telling me they love me, or a call, or a message on facebook or an email. Little small blessings reminding me I am not alone.

Yesterday I was having a hard time getting out of bed, even though my kids were like get out of bed...feed me...MOM! I was tired. I'd do some chores and then go lay back down on my bed. I turned the news on and heard about a woman who crashed her car killing herself, her children and her nieces, and then the above man I mentioned. I cried hearing their stories. I felt bad for the families of those involved. I cried because I have my kids and am so blessed to be apart of their lives.

Then back to school commercials came on, and I cried once more because I don't even know how we are going to get their supplies, or new clothes for school or shoes, or anything. The restaurant is going well, but not well enough for income for home. I am grateful for the patrons and the success we have had.

Then my sister in law showed up, with bags and bags of groceries, a microwave (are old one was catching fire and not working right) and school supplies for the kids. Tears welded up as her children brought the bags in to me. THANK YOU!!! I really really appreciate it. She did explain the microwave was our Christmas present, but the timing was perfect. We had such a fun time playing too! But thank you!

And recently, when unsure about how the heck I was even going to keep T-rex in diapers, a friend who offered to watch my kids, so I could help out at the restaurant, handed me some diapers and much needed laundry soap. I don't think she knew I couldn't even go get those things for myself, but she gave them to me.

Also I recently muttered, ok complained about the heat in our house, and a few days later, a window AC unit showed up at our house. It has made a world of difference. Thanks Dad!

Our computer crashed, no no one has given us a new computer, but Eric left his home today so I could write. You know it gets a little hard pressing numbers on my phone to write out messages and stuff. It is hard to express your thoughts and words with little continuous presses on numbers.

Lastly I have a neighbor friend that is suppose to be moving, but things are not working out for them, and I hope things work for them but I really enjoy our nightly chats on the lawn and will miss her when she moves. It has been a blessing having someone to confide in, laugh with and just hang out with.

And if you were truly able to read to the end of this, kuddos to you. Thanks for listening.

Holy August???

Eric and I celebrated our Tenth anniversary on the 30th! Hard to believe we have been married for ten years, sounds like a long time, but doesn't feel like it. He gave me these flowers. I set them in our window sill in the kitchen, and realized it was right next to our photo that we took on our honeymoon. Seems just like yesterday we were sailing around the San Juan Islands enjoying the peace and beauty....and now....ten years later...

We got T-Rex! He is such a sweetie and keeps us on our toes that's for sure. And apparently he has a hard time keeping up with his own toes because...boom crash....at least his forehead caught his fall....

Speaking of Fall, its hard not to fall in love with this little sweetheart. Her smile warms you up and just makes you feel good. However she has become our little liar...yes she can lie, and unlike her dad and older brother who I can tell is lying just by their smile, this one she doesn't crack a smile. Oh boy not sure what we are going to do with her. Then there is.....

G-Man who is so tender and sweet, and so active and loving. Though hard to find him to take pictures, been looking all over this morning.

Bee who is just too sweet. She is always concerned about the others and quite my little helper. Always, well not always, willing to help....but she sure can throw some fits. She is so excited to be starting school in 21 DAYS she can't wait....

I also am trying to get my portfolio up and going to start making some money with one of my hobbies/talents....I took pictures of my little sister and her family. For more pictures from that check out www.corrinescapturings.blogspot.com