Lots of Little things....

So I have been avoiding writing, well not really avoiding but life has kept me so busy lately that I haven't really had a momentt to sit down and write.  And seeing that even after my multiple posts this week, well they were all posted on one day :), but seeing there were few if any comments, no one is really reading and therefore, really who will mind another some random ranting post.

This last year, as we have been in this house, in Ogden for a year now!  Its so hard to believe that its been a year and yet at the same time....wow has it not been ten??!!!  The ups and downs this year have caused me to feel like I have aged 10 years. 

I have learned that some I loved and trusted, and would do anything for, weren't willing to recipricate.  It surprises me, it has hurt me.  I took  a personality test last year, and one of my biggest weakness/strengths is my compassion and that I put making others happy and relationships formost above myself. I avoid saying things or standing up for myself because I am more concerned about ruining a relationship than how I am being treated or feeling.  And unfortunately, I hate that now, me who used to be so concerned about making relationships (not talking about my marriage) work, am feeling hurt and surprised and stung, that I just don't even want to make those friendships work. And silly me, I still feel bad, and worry about how to make those relationships better, but really should I, because I am pretty much sure that those who have hurt me, are ones that are focused more on their selves and what makes them happy they really haven't thought once about what has happened between our friendship and has happened to me.  And then I find myself worrying about them...oh the web I weave....oh the friendships I've had...

Leaving behind friends in Texas, then Hawaii, then Utah Valley has been a little tough. Though I have to say I have made some amazing wonderful friends here in Ogden, feel like I have more than I have had in my adult life.  And I appreciate the support they have given me, as well as the laughs and the fun! 

Speaking of Fun!  The first week of May I gave my two weeks notice at the hospital...and some days, I really, really  miss the break from kids...I love my kids, but as Eric said, I had a taste of the sweet life :).  But working weekends and literally not seeing my husband, but Sunday evening, the four months were taxing on me. I would walk in the door after a long day of work, and Eric would pass me the parenting baton, and head out the door.  It has been so nice the last two weeks to actually go to church with my family, as crazy as they are there, and just hang out for one day with the family, the whole family. Though I do miss having Saturdays to hang with the family too.

Today I took the kids hiking all by myself...I am never that brave.  We passed a family on the way up and the mom said to me "wow you are brave!"  To which I responded, "no just crazy!"  But these holidays alone are hard.  And last year we'd go hang at the restaurant as I helped out.  But it just seems that its easier to not be there. 

It kind of was a lonely day for me, even though the kids and I were together and had a good time, I just think I thought moving closer to more family, I'd see and do more with them.  I know poor pitiful me, I could do some calling and organizing, but am so exhausted, sometimes I think its nice to get invited. 

Those who know me from times past, I used to do a lot of inviting and planning! I love having people around and doing parties.  I actually spent the other day cleaning up the neglected backyard so we could have some friends over, so maybe my days of reclusiveness are fading.  Anyone want to come to a bbq dinner next Sunday? 

Did I mention that I am now a director of a child care center?  Its crazy but couldn't have come at a better time for me.  I literally prayed and fasted one Sunday, mostly about my previous job, and wanted to find something else, that would lend to me being "home" more.  And the next day I talked to my friend Bruna and one thing led to another and she offered me this job!  Its nice to be doing something related to my degree!

Go to the light!

Bee planted a seed at school and it was set in a little milk carton, that I set into a little pot on my window sill.  It is behind the curtain, away from the sun.  While I was washing dishes yesterday, I noticed how the poor little stem was growing and bending around the curtain to get to the sunlight! 

For some reason the scene from Poltergiest jumped into my mind, "CarolAnne, don't go into the light!"  "no you need to tell her to go into the light!"  "But I thought you told me to tell her not to go into the light!" "That was before, she needs to go into the light!"

Anyway, I think we all need a light to grow too, a light to direct us in our lives!  Sometimes I feel like I am hiding behind my curtain and not heading towards the light, more because it is comfortable in the dark, hidden? 

There is a scripture that states, "let thy light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven!" 

I wonder if I am the light that my little children are growing and looking to find to be like! I see so many times their little necks peaking around the corners, trying to find me and some direction in their life....I hope I am providing enough light for them.  Hope I am a bright enough light for them to continue to grow and become great people.

So don't hide behind your curtains, and don't hide your light behind curtains so others can continue to grow and learn!

Two is NOW 5!!!!

Her first morning as a FIVE YEAR OLD!! Where has the time gone????

The birthday morning starts off with a little self portrait! Love her brown eyes! And she has the most perfect huge smile!!! This year has been a crazy one, and I feel for Two because her birthday always falls around the end of the school year, which is always a crazy few weeks.  So instead of a party, she invited one friend, her best little girl friend to lunch!  They had their own table at Chili's and had a blast. And that evening we had a family get together where we were able to wish her happy birthday!

Two...well not like you can't see her name, was so excited to blow out her candles that she blew one out before the others came to sing to her.  Actually the day of her birthday my oldest niece Anna graduated from high school!  I was a senior in high school when she was born!!!  She was kind enough to share her evening with Two!  Thanks Anna, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

After we sang happy birthday, she ran up to me and said "is it present time??"  I felt a tinge of guilt because it wasn't her birthday party, and not that I was totally expecting her aunts and uncles to gift her, my heart hurt for her. Luckily her nanny and aunt alyson came through.  She was so excited to get her movie, and pretty pink twirly skirt and pets. 

We love you TWO!!  Happy Happy Birthday! You are such a joy and light in our family! You make me smile everyday! Who couldn't smile with your big contagious smile!!!

Two Graduates from Preschool!

Preschool class of 2010...What a cute bunch!

That's TWO in the purple dress and glasses...Singing at the top of her lungs!!

Miss Melissa giving her, her diploma...

Two proudly watching her other friends receive their diploma.  I am so glad she had the experience of attending preschool and enjoying it.  However I wasn't preprared for some pomp and circumstance (is that how you spell it?? and say it?) I think if I had know I would have invited grandparents, aunts and uncles, and DAD, because I was the only "single" person there!  :)  Congratulations TWO off to Kindergarten you go!!!

Summer Fun!

We are working on ways to make summer fun and still get work done.  So around here the rule is NO FUN til the chores are DONE!      As incentive yesterday we bought a little swimming pool. One the kids were dying to open and set up, even though it was raining and cold.  Though when we came home from the store, yesterday, I told them the basement had to be cleaned. So they ran down stairs and cleaned the basement.  Well again it was cold.  And we had other things to do and they were not behaving so well, it didn't get set up.     So today as they were begging me to do the pool, I mentioned the back yard needed to be cleaned.  So they filled three trash bags with popsicle wrappers and weeds.  And Once they were done, I noticed the basement was still in need of some cleaning. With swim suits on they finished the basement! And so like I had promised I filled the pool for them.   However I don't think they were expecting it to be so cold. I went inside to boil some water for them, and came out to them huddled into this little ball!  Even with blue lips T-Rex was the happiest...... Hopefully we will experience some warmth soon....Soon enough I am sure!

If I've told you once...

Eat all your lunch......wait is this a picture of your unfinished lunch......Do not open the oven door while something is baking!....wait you opened the door to get this picture didn't you??

And um well don't look directly in the sun or at least try to take your portrait outside.....

I have told you before....don't play with mom's camera! 

especially when your hands are covered in chocolate pudding and you are aiming the camera at your mom when she is telling you to put the camera down, not such a pretty face!

(as I was posting this Two said..."oh I took that, you should see the other one I took of the spaghetti Os...too cute! love my budding photographer!)

Humblings of Motherhood

 As a mother, I find myself constantly getting after my kids, to not leave their shoes or their clothes in the middle of the floor, get their shoes, papers, jackets out of the car, to empty their back packs or lunch boxes (ok my kids don't use lunch boxes very often..) I wonder why they would do such things!  How could they forget the things I ask them to do on a daily if not hourly basis? 

But then the sun goes down, dusk fills the house, I stumble around to find a light to turn on, to only trip over a shoe...as the curses begin in my head, the rants of "how many times...", I look down to pick up the rotten shoe to discover it belongs to......................................   ME!!  Most likely a kid chucked it from the basket in search for their own right???

Then I notice after tucking in all my kids, straightening up the kitchen, I quickly go to brush my teeth and strip my way to bed, leaving behind a trail of clothes, that I find the next morning.......  

After a long day of work, well when I used to work, as I quit a few weeks ago, I tended to come straight into the house, many times leaving things in the car. Often times leaving things for a little while.  So today, and let me just say its been about two weeks since I have worked....I pulled out my lunch box.  Yes my lunch box that I thought was empty, well minus an apple and a slim fast....something that wouldn't go too bad and well it just "slipped" my mind each time we were rushing in and out of the car.  Kudos today to me for taking it out.....but the smell!  Oh the smell.....I unzip it...and the mold the smoosh the awful black stinky matter!  What the heck was it?? A banana...a poor helpless banana sat rotting in my car for at least 3 weeks!  It was steped on, it was smooshed, it was frozen and it was heated and it died a terrible death! 

Maybe I still need a mother around reminding me daily to do stuff!  Maybe I should be a little kinder to my kids that really aren't  not listening but just following my subtle example.  I am humbled.  A lesson learned.  I will do better.

My Family

My wonderful brother Adam, took this picture ( I actually photographed it) and another picture which I can't seem to find, to make this picture.......

I am just amazed at not only the technology that allows this type of work, but at my brother's amazing artistic ability.  He truely is very talented.  If you don't believe me visit his blog. Adamscreation.blogspot.com

Anyway Thanks ADAM!!!

Speaking of my family, life is moving too fast and I seem to not have time to write down and capture our moments.  Most of you may find me several times a day posting "status updates" via Facebook, and find my poor blog neglected to say the least.  I was looking at my sidebar, feel free to do so, but I went from like 350 posts my first year, to 90 the second year and this year is slowly falling behind. 

Not that I am sad that my commenters and followers have forgotten about me, and don't read me anymore, because well there isn't much to read, but because I am not capturing those daily funny moments that make me laugh, if they aren't making me cry! 

Crying has come easy to me lately, time of year? time of life?  Not sure, just a little over emotional, and no I am not pregnant, since that seems to be a common question for me lately....maybe I need a full length mirror..is my belly bulging? 

Maybe my tumor is just growing....not funny really but "ITs not a tumor"  actually it is but who wants to go there, not me!

How about T-Rex!  Oh my goodness this little boy, if left stranded in the woods for weeks, would survive!  Well if the woods had a freezer and a microwave!  The other night all the other kids were asleep and I was reading  facebook a good book, he came stomping into the front room. 

"Hungry. I hungry. Need to eat."

"time for bed T!"

He walks away, grant it I was in the middle of "something important" and assumed he listened to his mother, like every good two year old, and walked himself back to bed.  Well a few seconds later, I hear the microwave going, and low and behold he found one of my "tv dinners" for work and microwaved it.  He brought it to the table and fed himself some "dinner." He ate most of it so he must of been hungry. 

And now a story to scare my mom, maybe you should plug your ears, or just stop reading...here.....Eric had dropped Two off at preschool and came back home with T-Rex.  Dad and T do their bonding stuff, I don't know watch a little tv, unload the dishwasher...then T starts playing and Eric starts applying for jobs, paying bills, looking over "dad stuff."  When Eric notices our friend pull into the driveway, get out of her car and bring T to the front door.  The little guy had decided that he wanted to go for a walk to G's school!  I am so grateful and lucky that our friend happened to be where she was when she was!  Because as much as this little guy (who is stacking cups and hanging out with me right now) can drive me gray, I just can't imagine not having him with us. 

Mom you can uncover your ears (eyes), T is safe!  The day after this incident I had off from my slave labor job, and it made me realize how much I really want to be home with him, with all of them!  Its been so hard to be away so much, not because I don't trust them in the care of my husband (most days anyway) I just really miss being a stay at home mom!  I miss pulling out my hair because they have unrolled all the toilet papter, dumped a whole bag of flour on the floor, skinned a knew, fought with a sibling, yelled at me that I am the meanest mom!  I miss it all!  It brings tears to my eyes everyday to walk out the door to head to work.

Working isn't hard, I actually enjoy the "break" and on my days off, being with the kids sometimes makes me look forward to going back to cleaning hospital rooms.  But thats not where I want to be.  Anyone who says being a stay at home mom is easy and mindless work, has never done it.  It is by far the hardest thing I have done, but been the thing I have enjoyed more than anything else. 

I am being faced now with the opportunity to possibly work in a different place, with the opportunity to take my kids with me, losing any benefits--that I still haven't received from IHC, and lose a few hours, but I'd be with my kids more and wouldn't have to work Sundays!

Working Sundays has been an adjustment for sure! Heck just working weekends, and working forty hours a week outside the home and then coming home to hug and kiss my husband goodbye and parent alone for the next hours, is wearing on me. 

I am worn out!  I think stressed is more like it. Or rather the stress is wearing me out.  I feel tired! I am sore! I have lumps in places I shouldn't have lumps, I like to call them my little stress bubbles, hoping they go away with the stress that is going to leave soon I am sure. 

Though one thing I know for sure, is I love my family! And appreciate the time I get to spend with them.

G-Man tonight had a square dance at school and I just loved seeing his shyish grin as he danced around in circles....shouldn't it be circle dancing? anyway, he is growing up and so big!  He has a great way of making us laugh too and so protective of his siblings.

Though the other day, I got a call from Eric while I was cleaning the staff bathroom, telling me he had to take Bee to the ER because she split her head open on her scooter.  I quickly put away my cart and headed to the doctors.  To have G tell me what happened. 

"We were riding our bikes and Bee was on the scooter. You should of seen her, she was all riding and hit a rock and she did this flip right over the top of her scooter and landed all funny and I was laughing. Then she stood up and I saw her bleeding and she was crying. I felt so bad. I ran in to tell dad she was hurt. I was so sad for her after I saw how hurt she was, but it was kind of funny to watch her flip." 

And you know the story of what he told her when she was getting the stitches out.

I just really enjoy seeing them get along and interacting....even though some days they don't get along so well.

Bee is having issues though being able to "last" her sister and sharing a bed.  Every night I tuck the two into their double bed they share. And almost every night Bee says "I can't last TWO anymore!"  Whether it is because she is kicking her, singing, or just breathing too loud, she just doesn't want to sleep with her and really wants a bunk bed.  She'd actually like a bunk room, because she'd like her brothers in her room.  I'm not sure how long she would be able to "last" that!  But the girls seem to "last" eachother enough to play dolls, laugh and read books together, so I'm sure its not all bad.   

Then Two, oh sweet Two, its so hard to believe she will be five next month!  I'm just not sure she really is that old!  Every day she crawls into my bed and just hugs me and tells me how much she loves me and how she doesn't want me to leave and go to work. She doesn't want to leave my side.  She makes me smile. I have a hard time leaving her..except when she has gone and hidden in a corner and comes out and says "I just did something bad, and you are going to be very mad."  Is she trying me? Is she tempting me to get mad?   Do kids really think that?

Today we went to a cousins birthday party, and left with little treat bags, which I gave to the kids for the hour drive home, thinking it was harmless....we were driving, not more than ten minutes into the trip when her sweet little voice calls from the back "Mom look in the mirror! Look what I did!" 

I peeked through the rear view mirror and saw chocolate brownie covered hands and face! The little stinker smooshed a brownie all over herself and pants and car seat!  She wanted me to pull over somewhere so she could wash them off, I guess not wanting to stay dirty,  knowing she had almost an hour drive, and all I wanted to do was pullover and leave her on the side of the road...but I used self control. I told her to just wipe her hands on her pants and to lick her fingers until we got home or it was mostly off! Oh the little stinker!  She loves to test my patience!  And I love her!

But in the end, its just our little life moments that bring us together as a family, whether its a little bike accident or a runaway or a brownie car smearing moment, life has a way of photoshopping a family together building our own family history. 

Odds and Ends!

Odds and Ends of my recent life! 

G-Man turned 9!  Its hard to believe that not too long ago I was sitting in a hospital bed, holding a screaming bundle of boy, unsure of what lay ahead of me, yet thinking I knew all that was to come.  Life is funny though it likes to throw things at you unexpectantly!  But I wouldn't change much, not most of it anyway. 

G-Man is our little talker, caregiver, gaurdian, (his real name means man of the watchtower--or something like that..) and he is really always watching out for others especially his siblings...and sometimes others at school, monitoring what they are doing and not always what he is doing...but he is none the less always concerned about others.

Well the other day, Bee took a head dive off of her scooter, and her forhead hit the uncovered handlebar, leaving a hole requiring seven stitches...OUCH!  Major ouch when the doctor mentioned he should of done more....Anyway we were on our way to get the stitches out and G-Man, doing what he does best, tried to comfort Bee, he said "Bee dont' worry about getting your stitches.  It doesn't hurt.  It feels like picking a booger, that is kind of stuck and as you pull it is a little stringy." 

After being a little grossed out, I realized he was so right and new exactly what he was talking about...yes admitting I've picked my nose.

But I am grateful for him and all his wisdom, and the joy he truly has brought to our home!!! Happy Birthday buddy!

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Work!  I probably post a lot about work, well the fact that I am working now in houskeeping and the fact that it has been more than humbling for me.  In all actuality I like it, most days!  Okay maybe I don't like the work, the clean up people's toilets, crumb spills, but I enjoy the people. 

I was in the nursery, grabbing their trash, and had to stop and gock (sp???? totally not the right spelling..or is it??) at a new baby and talk to one of my CNA friends.  I mentioned something about the baby, and his name and how his older sister (all of 5 years as of January) who had talked to me the whole time I was cleaning, then when she saw me in the hall all surprised and excited and said "You were just in there?!"  

And I was, I feel like I pop in and out of rooms all day, I guess that is what I do :)...But anyway the CNA said "you sure remember a lot!"  To which I replied "I could tell you something about every single one of the patients on this side."

"You talk to the patients while you clean?"

"I do!"  

I even had a patient tell me I should write a book, today.  But the thought came to me, I really do like talking to people, and should be working somewhere where I can talk to people....but then it occured to me, that I get to meet new people almost every day!  And I do get to talk to them....for a few minutes, if they are awake.  Some are more talkative than others, but really what kind of job could I do talking to others?? 

Councilor...no don't want to get advice...
Social worker....no don't want to deal with problems....
Biographer....yeah that would be cool, talk to people about their stories and write it down for them....Any takers????


Anyway after that thought provoking conversation in the nursery it just made me realize how much I do like my job and the gals (I say gals because about 90% of them are) I work with. 

I have made some great friends and really have laughed a lot. 

Like today.   A normal patient room cleaning, typically starts with me knocking on the door, coming in, pulling trash, asking how they are doing, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the floor, mopping the floor then asking if there is anything else I can do for them.  Well I follow my normal protocol and enter a patients room. Pull the trash, wipe the front sink, ask how they are doing, enter the bathroom, and notice some toilet paper in the toilet, so I flush it so I can clean it.   Well it doesn't go down....thinking to myself, don't want to keep flushing to maybe embarrass them, I pull the trash, I don't know hoping the TP will go down itself or something...but it doesn't.  So I flush again, the tp looks like it is going to make an exit, but then pops itself back up.  Blasted TP.  So I hold the flusher down longer, tp gone, yeah.....no....pops back up.   I look out the bathroom door at the patient on the phone and mouth "sorry.."  as I begin to giggle.

Those who know me, know that once I start giggling, I kind of can't stop.  So then I try again, and sure enough it pops its head back out. I apologize to the family, and mention how stubborn it is being, all the while trying to keep my laughter to a professional level.  The dad says "no I should be the one excusing myself." 

After that and what the sixth? flush, down it went.  Man it took me a long time to get that bathroom clean! 

But that isn't the only time I have laughed....at this time it was at someone else's expense...and to this day, all I have to say is "It was me!!!" cheerfully and proudly and I start to laugh.

Curoius now!? 

Sometimes bathrooms get what is called "dry pipes", yes the system dries out and the solution to this is pouring water down the pipes, the symptom of this is the smell of  rotten eggs mixed with other potty smells.  Anyway on the 4th floor as you walk through the double locked doors, there are public bathrooms to the right. 

After lunch my coworker and I walked through these doors, to bit hit by the dry pipe smell! One of the nurses happened to be there, and we started talking about how bad it smelled.  We were going on about horrible it was, when my friend says "I can only smell the Scentsy candles."  (the other direction from the bathrooms is a little store and the gal there always has sweet smelling Scentsys going, however this day it wasn't fixing the scents in the hallway..." 

So as we went on about the smell, and how we couldn't smell the candle....when out of the store door pops the gal, and she waves her hand in the air, smiles big and says "it is me! It is me!" 

Are you really claiming this smell causing us to be sick to our stomaches??  We looked at her surprisingly and asked "Are you sure you want to claim this stink??" 

She quickly turned red and said "I thought you meant my candle!" 

We laughed!  And when she walks by we do our best Parade Princess wave and say "it was me!"

Who says it can't be fun to work...me a few weeks ago.  But I do enjoy it, wish it weren't that we were depending on my hourly pay.  Because it isn't much pay, and sometimes hard to be humble enough to do this job but at least I get to laugh! 

One more story while I am writing.  As housekeepers we are responsible to clean rooms, almost immediately after a patient leaves, and the only way we know they are gone, other than looking in the rooms and watching them leave, is receiving a page, with the room number telling us to go to that room.  Each morning, we log into our pager so we can receive those pages, we log out for breaks, and log in and out of rooms, and so on.  We also have 30 minutes from the time we log into a room to clean it and log back out. 

The other day I had a meeting to attend, which I was suppose to logout of my pager, 15 minutes before so I could unload my cart and head to the meeting.  Well I received a page five minutes before I was suppose to log out, not enough time to clean a room.  So I call my supervisor, to whom I will refer to as "Micro", has nothing to do with the way he supervises (said sarcastically.)

I grab my Vocera (our walkie talkies basically) and tell it to call Micro.

"This is Micro."

"Yes, this is Corrine.  I just got a page to clean room 4444 and I have a meeting at 3 that I am suppose to log out for." 

As if the world depended on my logging out, he said "log out, LOG OUT!  Log OUTTTTT!"

"Ok!"

I was in the chute room, throwing trash down, with one of my coworker friend, and she heard it all, because the vocera is around our necks and basically on speaker.  She starts laughing, as I frantically fumble through my scrubs to find my phone to log out.  Not sure what the panic was but I felt a sudden urgency to LOG OUT!!!!

Thanks for the laughs housekeeping! 

To Be a Kid Again!

I am writing to avoid "beating" my children!  And write down the things that are driving me crazy that would one day I am sure bring laughter and smiles to my face....at least that is what they say....

Lets start with Two...

The other day, after the family movie night at school, we sat in the car waiting for G-Man and Bee to come out with their winning raffel ticket...they came out later, but no winnings. Anyway so Two and T-Rex sat in the car.  Well Two didn't she rolled down the window, stood on the seat and started to wave to passer byers....Then she noticed a group of adult men playing soccer, as she waved she proudly yelled "Hello Spanish People!"  I kind of nudged her and said "Two."  and then she cleared her throat and said very cheerfully "Hello not Spanish people."  I'm not sure if she was correcting herself to be more political correct or making sure the "non Spanish people" felt greeted.

Then today I was sitting on the computer doing my math homework...ok I don't go to school nor do I have homework, I was playing bejeweled blitz and chatting with a friend, when Two calls from the bathroom "Please come wipe my butt!"  I am sure it was several times as I was actively engaged in other things and totally ignoring her.  All of a sudden I notice the calls getting louder, and there standing next to me was Two with her pants around her knees, yelling at me to "come wipe my butt, please!" 

And not too sure if that triggered a thought in T-Rex because all of a sudden he was pantless, holding up a dirty diaper chanting to me "Change me! Change me!" So I got a two for one moment...if you could call it that.

Then my kids as they ran around the house being robots, I quietly...ok probably not quietly, encouraged them to go outside and play.  Two stayed inside, and watched them through her open bedroom window....when all of a sudden I hear a bang, like the sound of a golf ball hitting hardwood floor.  I run to the room to find my older two playing golf through the bedroom window!  Fun game I guess but HELLLOOO! 

Now as I type they are sliding down the stairs using all the pillows in the house....and G-Man said "We put all the pillows against the wall so when we hit our heads it doesn't hurt so much and it makes it sound proof!"  Oh my goodness! 

They are so creative and energetic and at least they entertain themselves....but why isn't it fun to wash all the dishes in the sink??? 

There is more, I know it, but for some reason I am drawing a blank...I guess it is good to put it in the past and have it be forgotten, but whatkind of stories will I have to tell them.....Oh I hear crying....hurt crying??? laughing crying??? Oh my children! 

Oh T-Rex striked again, and submerged my new blackberry into a pitcher of water!  Thanks for the phone bath, at least it was water and twenty four hours later it was good as new.  Eric thinks I go through more phones than anyone he knows, probably true...I don't think three phones since November is that many...Do you???


G-Man has kindly talked our neighbor into giving him some scrap plywood.  Large pieces.  Every day he builds a ramp, mostly covering the front steps.  I love coming home to my front porch looking like a half pipe!  Seriously he is going to break his leg soon! 


Laughter!  Lots of laughter from the stairs, good thing!  Though usually this much laughter is followed by tears....we shall see. 

So I rented and watched Precious last night.  Made me feel better about my parenting, and made me think I am not doing such a bad job.....until I got home from work today and G-Man says to me "Precious isn't a kids movie."

"No its not.  You didn't watch it did you."

"Yeah there was a lot of swearing in it!" 

"Babysitter let you watch the whole thing?"

"Yes."

"It isn't for kids and you weren't suppose to watch it."

"I know they swore a lot in the beginning.  And Bee said 'good thing mom's not like that."

So at least they confirmed that I am not that horrible of a mother but still can't believe someone let my kids watch it, but hopefully  most of it went over their head....but the thing I don't get is how they would of sat through the whole thing........Maybe that is why they have so much energy right now! 

Is it bed time yet?

Who is going to come and do my dishes???

Nameless

Each morning I wake up, dress in my fancy scrubs and drive the quiet few darkened miles to the hospital.  Gathering together first with my fellow Environmental Service employees, before heading to the 4th floor to begin my eight hours of cleaning.  Its a job.  One that is growing on me more and more each day. 


After filling our carts with necessary supplies, we knock the doors introducing ourselves, not by name but by the infamous words "housekeeping, may I come and clean?"  I never introduce myself by name.  Nor do many of my other housekeeping coworkers. 

The other day I knocked as I always do, propped the door open, saying "housekeeping" before popping in and finishing can I clean.  I was greeted by a giggle and "come on in!" in a cheery voice.  As soon as the patient saw my face she quickly apologized "I thought you were my friend jocking." 

"Nope, I am really housekeeping, do you mind if I clean?" 

"Of course, thank you." 

Walking the halls for the last few months, I have come to know many of the nurses and learn their names. However many refer to me as "the housekeeper."  Which is fine, that is my job title.  Though for some reason that makes me feel nameless.  Sometimes unimportant.  Most of the time unimportant. 

Names are so important.  As a matter of fact I watch many new parents struggle to find just the right name.  I was even asked this last week, which name I prefered for their daughter, and they put post it notes tallying peoples' vote.  Parents take pride in finding the right name, the right spelling, the best fit for their child. Once chosen, it is shared with pride.

I take pride in my work.  Although it is difficult to feel a part of a team, of an environment when you go nameless. 

Time Flies.....

Time seems to fly most days, some seem to go longer and slower than others, but every now and again I get a moment to sit down and capture a little moment in time.  I sit and watch the world around me move as I stand still....

or more like it sit still....

I notice that the cob webs on my window ledges are bigger than before, or that maybe I should take a comb through someone's hair.

I look in awe at how fast my little ones have grown, and somehow discover communications through hand gestures........(an accident or on purpose T-Rex?) 

and think how sweet they truly can be....

Their smiles brighten my days.  Their spirits and energies fill my home......

Time has helped them to grow and develop.....  but not a full fashion sense.....

.but time keeps moving, and so do they.....

and at the end of it all....I will look back at these times, remember these moments and smile, like I am today.  Because if time has taught me one thing, its this....it never stands stills!  But it is ok to sit back and listen to the second hand tick and savor each click. Because like sands through the hour glass so our the days of our lives.....

Boo Hoo Hoo Poor Me!

Tittled as such because that's seems to be how I feel lately.  While cleaning today I thought of some creative story to express my feelings and concerns but like the hundred bags of trash those thoughts went down the shoot or somewhere...because for some reason all I can think about is poor me....not really poor me, but more I am so not a patient person and I really don't feel like I can handle much more or for much longer, if I haven't already hit my breaking point, which I just might have like a few months ago.  But some how like the sun I get up each morning, and do my best to "shine." 

But shining is really hard to do when you are emotionally and physically exhausted.

My right arm has been killing me for a few weeks and it seems to be getting worse, to the point that last night it woke me up several times with numb prickly pain...its throbbing now, and my guess is I have a pinched nerve somewhere.  Though a lovely nurse today mentioned that it could be a sign of a heart problem, and that it sounds like the symptom another nurse was having before she had a stroke...left me comforted today.  Though a few weeks ago I did go to the ER with chest pains and they sent me home saying its an ulcer and probably Irital Bowels Syndrome....anyway so needless to say I need to find a good doctor.  I can't afford to get sicker but I can't afford to pay to get better either.

Speaking of paying, I am grateful to be working and bringing some money in but its not much and I really need to figure out how to get a higher paying job.

The restaurant is hanging in there, we appreciate ALL the support and customers, and amazing employees and an amazing hard working partner.  But its not to a point (which I didn't expect it to be there yet) where we can get a return on our investments, in fact we have had to take our personal money lately to help pay bills, and its just getting hard for us as a family to survive, as we keep investing money and not seeing a return on it...someday.

Speaking of someday, I dream of the time when I can feel at complete peace.  Because right now though when I begin to freak out about things, like the debt of the above mentioned investment, or no insurance, or car payments, or rent or kids getting sick, or my own health, I get a calm feeling that "it will all be ok."  but that lasts a few minutes before I get a letter or a call or my arm goes numb (like it is right now) and I get all frazzled again.....maybe I just need to realize (cuz I just don't feel like it is) its normal, and this is what my life is suppose to be....but then again, maybe I am just suppose to find my own peace and contentment with the direction my life has lead me, and then it will change? 

Because isn't that what is a life given, that the only thing constant is change?

Maybe I need to become content,.....thinking content thoughts, thinking content thoughts! Because really the more I think of it, I do love my house! I have a wonderful loving husband! I have fun, energetic, beautiful children! I have a job that most days I enjoy--take away the low pay but it is some pay!  I have great friends, that I wish I could see more. I have wonderful extended family that have gone above and beyond in helping and supporting us.  I have a church support system. 

I am blessed.....and I am tried...and in the end of it all I am rich and will only become a richer person,  maybe not in monetary value but in much more values and strengths......


and on another note JUNE  a group of gals and I are going to a cabin in Yellowstone for a little away time and I am so excited!

So I over Heard....

Since I work a job where I really have a lot of time by myself to think, don't get me wrong its a lot of hard work, physically, but my mind is kind of freed up.....so I either am deep in thought, or totally EAVES dropping...is that the right phrase?


Lets just say I have BIG ol' listening ears.  I don't really remember what is said, and some times I will totally join in on a conversation and often think....opps should I have said something??? 

Anyway, yesterday as I was going down the hall ways wiping down and dusting chairs, I heard someone speaking to another person....this is what I caught...

"I don't want to hear you complaining how bad your life is.  Do you have a job?  when right now its hard to find a job???  Do you have a roof over your head?  Clean clothes on?  Food in your belly?   You do not have it bad?  You don't have it the worst!  Are you standing on the street corner in the freezing weather, not eaten for several days?  Not showered?  Changed your clothes in how long?   Living in a grass hut???  I don't want to hear how bad you have it because you don't have it bad at all! So stop your complaining!" 

As I sat wiping the foot prints off the bottom of the black swivel chair, I listened as if she was speaking to me...she did turn the corner and we did talk for a bit, well she just complained to me about one of her complaining co-workers...but anyway the thought came to me.....I really do not have it that bad....even though the possibilty of those things happening to me, feel closer and closer, BUT they are NOT! 

I truly have been blessed with small miracles in my life, a random check in the mail, a few extra customers at the restaurant, finding a job in housekeeping even though most times I feel like I should be doing something more with my degree, a husband that is able to watch the kids.  I am grateful for the job.  Anyway, all though I feel overwhelmed and like I have had all that I can handle, I know that someone is looking out for me, and that I am blessed daily. 

Why can't I sleep?

It's 4 AM and I really should be asleep but I just can't!  I wish it was because I was all excited for Santa to come, or we were getting ready to go on a long vacation to Hawaii.......but it's not.....more like I had to go to the bathroom after being kicked in the gut by Two.   And for some reason I have this nagging something's not right, something is bad happened, sick gut feeling....could be the kick but after going to the bathroom the feeling hasn't left me.


My mind wanders over the thoughts of how life sure has taken me on a ride this past year....a very long topsy tervy (sp?) one.   Today I felt overwhelmed with all that is going on, and am feeling the weight of our situation on my shoulders.  Maybe that is what is wrong with my right arm, it is numb most of the time and can't hardly move my shoulder, here I was thinking I pulled my muscle or hurt my shoulder disk (if you have one?) but maybe its just the stress of my life.

I have decided that finding the job as a housekeeper has been a great one for me, all but the paycheck, but any little bit helps...though its hard to go to the store and get your kids needed glasses because they already broke and had their one fix for the next 24 months, and think oh I just have to work two full eigh hour shifts to pay those off....and then have your son come home from school with both his feet sticking out of the front of his shoes and buy him a pair and think wow now I have to work five hours to pay those off....and we didn't buy expensive shoes! 

Anyway I enjoy the physical part of housekeeping, running from room to room, cleaning quickly...though I have found I am a little OCD and its hard to turn around a room in the time limit.  Though I was so proud of myself the other day, I only mopped the room once....But the other great part of my job is the opportunity to meet so many people, because man that hospital has a lot of people passing by.

The hardest part of going from a fulltime mom, to a fulltime employee and mom, is I ....well just lost my train of thought....but I find that I need to sleep!

Night!

Whats for dinner??

Being that I have been home for a few days, laying around doing nothing I decided to get up and fix my kids dinner.....

First a veggie burger smothered in crisp onions, tomatoes and lettuce, followed with::

Some fruit fun and yummy chocolate dessert

Ok I am not fooling anyone, my kids went to the pantry and opened a can of Progresso soup split pea soup, a can of cambells chicken noodle, can of corn and can of olives.....

and this is what they said to me...

"This is really good" Bee

"Can soups are so tasty and easy to make, you don't ever have to fix us dinner as long as you keep can food around, Mom"  G-Man

"We can make our own dinners now mom, so you can rest when you are sick."  B

So sitting on my table our just four bowls, four spoons and the kids doing a rotating dinner, eating everything.....I guess they have grown since this summer and they can fend for themselves...

if only they would think how great it would be to clean up and do the dishes.....one thing at a time!

Natural Gas

"Mom today at school someone kept farting.  We all held our noses and we laughed and laughed.  It was kind of gross, but sure made us all laugh hard."  Said Bee as we sat around the dinner table tonight.  

I asked her what her teacher did, and G-Man interrupts with "Today Mr. Cottle was teaching us math and he said 'this is a pllllllllpppppppppppp pllpppppppppppppp (farting noises), oh excuse me, a yard stick."   Don't remember learning how to measure quite like that.

Then not too longer later, T-Rex, who had been told several times not to sit on the table, got up and sat on the table, letting off his own natural gases, causing the table to rumble. 

And now that they are all in bed, I go to read my email and low and behold, my dad sends me this, forwarded from a friend, so it wasn't him, or atleast he says it wasn't:  


I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.




After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....



Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod
 

And now I go to bed because I have run out of gas!  No more stinky air bisquit stories!

History of My Mobile Phones

Back in our early marriage, about 2000 I got my first mobile phone it was a little black flip top.  Not sure what happened to that one, probably just upgraded and moved on to different phones.  Fast forward through three kids and add a fourth.  Not that I am blaming my fourth for the loss of my phones, but ok....lets just say while in his early 2s he sent my phone not once but twice in to the toilet and once over the balcony into a Hawaiian rain storm.  

Fast forward to last month, my phone that I had gotten last year after the balcony rain storm, just kind of died.  Luckily we had a back up phone, one of Erics that he saved for just incase, turned into mine.  Well last week T-Rex found mine to be a little dirty.   I picked up my phone and it was a little slimy and wet.  I turned to the accused and asked "T what did you do with mommy's phone?"

"It dirty, I washed it."


"You washed it?"


"All clean now. Tubby phone." 

"Thanks!"


So Eric all kind and nice went to Radio Shack and upgraded and signed our life away again for another 2 years.  So me the mom, has had the phone for a few days, um make that one day, and I had it in my scrub pockets at work. 

I was in a hurry to clean a discharge room, washing the toilet, and notice some blood splattered on the back side of the toilet, as I reached to get up back and behind, I head a "krrplunk  splash."  I quickly checked my vocera (my work phone) and it was attached still around my neck.  Then quickly I reached in thinking "Oh Crap!!"  and pulled out my phone. I dried it off, sanatized it, and took it apart.  

It lays in pieces on the counter, heres for praying I didn't T-Rex my phone.

Life Lessons coming at me faster than I can think!

What I have learned this past week.....






The alarm clock rings at just past six am, most mornings, almost all nights, I wake up several times before and turn the alarm getting out of bed before it goes off. For some reason I can't sleep. Not sure if its the amount of diet coke I consume during the day to keep me awake, or the stress of life running through my mind or a kid or two climbing in bed, kicking me, or possibly a combination of them all. All I know is I am not sleeping well and really don't even need an alarm clock, just wish for one night I could sleep until its annoying buzz beckons me out of bed.



I shower quickly, dress even faster, seeing I get to wear scrubs every day and only have two pairs to choose from. Its nice not having to decide what to wear, never realized before how much time I spent on this before, though its hard to wash laundry every day...just not a habit I have ever been good at. Off to work I go to log in before seven to start cleaning patients rooms. I never knew I had the energy or strength to work away from home and still be able to come home and take care of my family.



Never in a million years would I have even imagined me being a hospital housekeeper....I try not to see myself as "better than that" but sometimes it strikes a humble nerve to have to tell people that I am an education bachelor degree holder house keeper....Sometimes I enjoy telling people that I taught school, and watch the look of surprise come over their faces as they ask "why are you here?"



I enjoy being around people and enjoy hearing others stories as well as tell mine. I realize that I need to be in social settings and that I have grown a lot.



As I sat across the table today with a fellow house keeper and out of some kind of spite or immaturity or something she looks at me and says "Becky doesn't like you?"



"I do not think I even know her, why doesn't she like me?"



"Cuz your slow"



"I don't think I have even worked with her....not sure why she'd say that."



"Well I thinks its because she is upset that you have taken over her spot at work."



"Ummm..."



Seriously, are we in junior high people? Actually I don't think I ever did anything like that in junior high, but it sure has shown to me, and maybe I sound a little conceited but so proud of myself for not being one of those people that say things to other people to stir things up, or gossip or try to get a reaction out of them. I just got up and went back to work.



I am grateful that I have been taught to work with others and to be nice. I think people like me. And I am working well with them and they are liking me.



And to top it all off, I have learned that even though I am experiencing trials that I never imagined, they really aren't more than I can endure. And as much as I would like my life to change, the things around me to change, the only thing I can to do is change the way I see them and my own thoughts and attitudes about the whole thing. So today, I proudly say, I am working as a housekeeper to help support my family. It is not my number one choice of a job, but its a job. It doesn't pay half our bills but it pays some of them. I am grateful for work right now.And most days I enjoy getting up and meeting new people.  And in the end, I will look back and see how much this time has helped me to grow and become the better person I will be.

 
And tomorrow when I am another year older, I can proudly hold my head up and know I am doing the best that I can do to endure and ENJOY the life I have been given.