Well Hello John Stockton

Every year we women have the great...ok not great...and probably not every year.....opportunity to visit the doctor for what we hope to be "you are doing great see you next year visit."

Yesterday I showed up at my doctor's office and met my mom, who took all four of my children, so I could enjoy this experience in peace, enjoy is probably not the correct adjective but you know what I mean.

So I sat in peace in the waiting room, taking in deep breaths, so my blood pressure will be normal, not my normal but normal normal. I didn't wait long until my name was called back.

"Hop on the scale." Not too bad, not the number I'd like to see but not the numbers I fear to see either.

"Sit, lets see how your blood pressure is doing, I will prick your finger while we are waiting to check your iron." Ok not too bad.

"Lets go to the office." All the standard questions are asked. I answer, laughing and joking like I normally do.

Doctor comes in, we talk. I tell her a bit of my history. Mention to her that for some reason my body keeps producing lumps. She and I talk about that. Then she has me assume the position. I look up and low and behold staring above me John Stockton...what the heck? So I mentioned to the doctor that I have never had a professional ball player in the room for this. I am trying to make light conversation and joke while I hold back the tears of uncomfortableness.

"Does this hurt."

"uh uh."

"I will stop."

"Thanks."

She then hands me a box of tissue. Ok thanks I guess.

"We need to do a belly scan, I feel a large mass."

"It couldn't be a baby could it?"

"No, its too hard." Relief flooded over me. I am not sure if that is the right response, a mass is more comforting to me than a baby right now?

I went to the sonogram room, and lay down on the table, and asked her if I could get a DVD...I laughed, and she said "Well if it is a baby I will turn it on for you."

"Thanks, I really hope its not a baby, I guess there could be worse things."

The screen fills with black and grey blobs and she is clicking and measuring, and at the bottom of the screen I see "mass" and measurements.

I asked "do you see what she felt?"

"Yes there is a tumor."


So here I sit, with no John Stockton passing to Malone to look at, and wonder what the heck is going on in my body. First the chest than my face and now my uterus. She wants me to call my insurance and see if they will pay for a CT Scan.

Honestly, is my fourth quarter of problems up yet?? Can I pass the ball to someone? I feel like a ball player holding the ball and being guarded by the whole other team and no one to pass the ball to...I am about to double dribble here.

A total waste of $20

So if you know me, you know this last year has been a challenge for me and my health. I have seen a ton of doctors and been poked, prodded and diagnosised with almost everything under the sun. Well not everything but anyway I haven't left the doctors with a clean bill of health that's for sure.

Well today I went to my family care provider. It was a visit for my follow-up for my hospitalization this past summer. I arrived 5 minutes early, and waited for about 15 in the waiting room. The nurse called me back and weighed me and took my other vitals. Then I waited another 15 minutes. The doctor came in.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I have felt in a long while. It's been a long few months."

She glances down at my chart. Looks up. "I got a letter from your endocrinologist."

"Any information about my labs?"

"No just a letter saying he will be monitoring your thyroid nodules annually. Though nice to get a letter from him. How did the ultra sound go? Any word?"

"No, you know the techs they don't tell you anything."

Stands up, pulls out her heart listening thingy (can't figure out how to spell it), "take a deep breath."
She sits back down, looks at the chart.

"your blood pressure looks good."

"Yeah I saw the cardiologist and he switched my meds."

"They seem to be working. So do you want me to monitor your blood pressure or the cardiologist?"

"I know he wanted to see me back again, so I am guessing he will do it."

"Well you look great. And since the endocrinologist is monitoring your thyroid, and the cardiologist is monitoring your blood pressure. I guess I will see you as needed."

She walks out and as she slams the door shut says "Have a great day."

That was my appointment, no kidding. I probably should have canceled as my gut told me to, oh well, I like going out and giving money needlessly to people. Though I am sure Dr. B could use it for the remodeling they are doing in the office.

People always say I have a big heart

I have been told because of my sweet and generous personality that I have a big heart, little did all know how right they are. I went to the cardiologist today to get an update on my echo cardiogram and past check up post my scarlet fever/rheumatic fever scare this summer. Well I have a heart murmur as well as an enlarged upper chamber. Not sure what to say or do. Feeling a little concerned because he said that if we don't take care of this it will lead to heart failure, last time I checked heart failure is um death....don't know too many people walking around with out a beating heart. I was scolded for not taking my blood pressure meds like I should be, well basically not taking them cuz I stink at taking drugs, I rarely take a tyenol for a headache. There is a patch but because I am nursing I can't use it. Maybe I should quit nursing, maybe I should take my meds. He suggested losing a little weight, well I am working on that, sure wish it were as easy as it is said. Or I wish I could just dream myself thin.

The other concern that I have is my little sister was just diagnosed with Graves Disease, which this past summer, I had all the same symptoms she has. I had the same tsh level as well as the same problem of an enlarged thyroid filled with nodules. My doctor told me to get it rechecked in six months, hers is talking about taking it out ASAP because it will enlarge your heart and can lead to that once again term "heart failure" i.e. death....Anyway I am a little disenchanted with the medical field and wish I could find a doctor that I can sit down and talk to about all that is going on and give them suggestions of things to check. I know I didn't go to medical school but I have had my body for 33 years and know when things aren't right....oh well, I just am feeling a little glum, and bummed and at a loss for what to do... I swear if I got a breast reduction my world would be a little better, there has to be at least 20 lbs of weight on my chest and that has got to put a lot of pressure on my little well not so little heart.

Anyway enough of that serious stuff....